Friday, October 7, 2011

If This Gets Posted...

Know that... I am dead. I... Somehow Lost. I doubt this will ever be seen by anyone. But... Just in case. Some things must be said before the end.
Elaine. About half of my brain is screaming to me "No. Don't say this" but I shall say it regardless, truth or no. This is ALL your fault. YOU have allowed me to die. Just like you allowed Cam to. And just like you will for everyone that means ANYTHING to you.
Nicky/Sagey, I will miss you so much. I am so sorry I could not come back to KILL your buddies Greenie and Forgie. Maybe the next guy will... In any case, I hope Bigfoot eats your soul or something. You self-righteous bastard.
Spencer, A fair warning. Beware the Cold. He has taken an interest in you.
Konaa, I will miss seeing you fail miserably at being a hero/Zero II. It was highly amusing you know. How you have thus far failed to save anyone, and have only succeeded in getting Nessa Killed by Rhodes... And SPEAKING of Rhodes. I do hope you die you arrogant douche. I hope it is painful. And I hope it is humiliating. And Your Suit looks Stupid.
Nightscream, Apologies for my failures. Do us a favor and avenge me would you? Hell. What have you got to lose. Your Buzzards could use a good meal once in a while. I STILL cannot believe you have outlived me. Now that you have, Well... Make me proud.
Hylo, Your Boyfriend is as good as dead. As are YOU. Eventually. In due time. BUT I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL SEE KONAA BREAK BEFORE THE END. The end. Being his death. He is dying. He will die. Forever.
Haku-Chan, it seems your Guard Dog succeeded. I hope you are happy. She has damned herself and me to oblivion for the sake of revenge. She will be dying, empty and hated. I promise that. You could have stopped this from happening you know. You could have said "No" if you were not so GODDAMN WEAK. I think you are... Comatose now? Weak. So very, very weak. If you were stronger, perhaps I would not be dead and would not have died a Proxy. Perhaps Michelle would not have become just like ME.
Lucas, You are an idiot and your boyfriend is a maniac. I hope he murders you in your sleep for the sake of irony.
Kay, Why not just kill yourself and get it over with. You know you want to, I know you want to, Everyone knows you want to. There is no shame in it, right? Just... Die. Already.
Mr. Funeral/Messenger, I'll give Caper your best wishes in hell. OK?
Nee-chan, I will miss you. Kill a few people for me.
Ridley, Stay Frosty Bro. I hope I don't see you soon.
Cynthia, dear child, I know something you don't know. The near future is going to be horrible for you. You shall be rewarded as a traitor deserves, just like me and all those before me. I wish I could be there to see it. Hehehe. Maybe you'll get the chance to tell me about it when we are both rotting in hell with the rest of your beloved family. Including your Big Brother. Both of us are just DYING to see you again.
Tiger, Gleeman, Recluse and Jack, I apologize for what I have done. I betrayed you and your trust. I got Samedi and Darkhorse killed. I was hoping that Spencer and Elaine would just grab me and run... But I was wrong. I am sorry. I am truly sorry. I cannot ask you to avenge me, and so I must only beg you to continue to live on. Carry the memory of Morningstar as I am, as I truly am, instead of that broken wretched being that emerged near the end of my life. Consider it my last request.
Sweet, Beautiful Michelle... Congratulations. You won. You killed me. What has it accomplished? You can pat yourself on the back now. It means nothing. You did EXACTLY what Father wanted. You are serving him now. You know that don't you. You deny it, but deep inside you know... Well Done.  I wonder what the cost of victory was... I hope it was spoiled for you.
Lastly. My Successor, as there no doubt will be one. I have created the Name Morningstar. I ask that you uphold the things I, in theory (and when I had a sane mind), stood for. Loyalty to your Associates. Succeed here where I failed Darkhorse and Samedi. The Destruction of all the Loathsome humans in this world. Here too, I failed, though I gave it my best shot. Finally, Above All Else: Serve God. Serve him as a worshiper, serve him as a pawn, and serve him as a son/daughter. I also ask that you Avenge me, and thus erase the shame I have given to this most holy title.  Serve Father well, my successor.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The One True Morningstar

Hello, hello, hello my Loyal Readers, Watchers, and future victims. I AM BACK. Rehallowed, and ready to get back to SLAUGHTERING THE MASSES. HAHAHA. So. I bet some of you are confused about recent events. Allow me to recap.
I had a lapse in loyalty, and switched sides like a dumbass. Ran off with Elaine and Spencer. Lovely people. Stayed locked in a basement for a little while... Then I received my Punishment. Cannot remember what happened until I woke up for all of one day. Then I went a little coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and ran off, abandoning poor idiotic Elaine. The rest is mostly a haze, but it seems I ran to Haku-Chan for some ungodly reason. This proved to be  a mistake, as Haku-Chan's Guard Dog found me. Lovely Girl. Killed her family and destroyed her life, you know. Tons of fun, loads of laughs. She does not agree, so she tazed me a few times, and held me captive until I was visited by Father. And Now, I am BACK... And my dear sweet Michelle tossed me this... Strange Cellular Device thing. iWhatever this thing is. Goddamn Apple. Probably going to break it once I am done with this post. ANYWAY. Michy wants a climactic fight to the death with me. I am considering it, but it REALLY would be funny if I escaped again. Then again, I really want to pluck out those pretty eyes of hers and keep them. So Shiny.
If I choose to fight, I admit, a fight might prove somewhat difficult due to how malnourished I am. I have not been eating very well in recent days. I may also be sick, but this could simply be the effects of being chained to a bed for a while in an uncomfortable position. Though I have been eating a lot of raw meat, which is not particularly good for you. I cannot believe I went feral enough to not REMEMBER TO COOK MY FOOD. Oh well. Should only be a minor inconvenience. I have been killing for months, (Months Goddammit. I saw the comments. Get your facts straight morons. I killed ONE person prior to Father. Then I killed Mom and Dad. THEN I became a serial murderer without peer. Arkady was an AMATEUR compared to my brilliance) while she has only killed... One person? By force? She has had an easy life. Idiotic Farm Girl. I have had to FIGHT to survive all these years. Hehehe. This should be a simple task, despite my weakened condition.
SO. Valtiel. No need to replace me. I am back, and ready to serve. Each Hallowing I have received has lasted longer than the last, so it is possible that this one is permanent. Hehehe. So. After I kill the Bitch, I wonder what I shall do next... Maybe... Mess with the Couriers. I didn't like them anyway. OR. I could go finish off Kay. OR. I could mess with Konaa, and in the process one up that jackass Rhodes. OR. I could go build a new team of Minions and continue my merry slaughter across the states. OR. I could go for Ice Cream, because Jesus H Christ I am tired of meat right now. It is alright. I have time. All the time in the world. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I WILL NEVER DIE. NEVER. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
But you know what? I am feeling REALLY great, minus some nausea and soreness/Stiffness of the limbs. I think I will pay Haku-Chan a visit after killing Michelle. Then I will FUCKING kill her. Just so our favorite Guard Dog will have a Master, even in death. Am I not merciful?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

WRETCHED FACELESS FREAK abomination against NATURE my tormenter my tormenter LEAVE ME IN PEACE God DAMN YOU. NOT ev3en my DREAMS provide me wqith SANCTUARY. I killed for you. I KILLED DOZENS for you, I served you Happily and with PRIDE. But I found happiness. I FOUND a Purpise bEYOND you. One single solitary human who was my friend. ONE. I killed for you many, I tried to kill this ONE, but I failed, I failed and I AM HAPPY. HAPPIER NOW THAN WHEN I WAS A PUPPET DANCING ON your STRINGES.
do I not DESERVE SOME Peace? I SerVED you for MONTHS MONTHS MONTHS. I just wanted a small time of PEACVE.
That Cold. That Heat. It is always following me. It is always here. I still hear their whispers inside my head. I still feel the Icy chill of his hand, the glow of his crimson eyes within the fog. His touch burns like the flames of the deepest abyss of hell, his eyes of amber always watching my thoughts my mind my self. All for the Faceless God. Everything for him. Our lives are his and in his power to take away on a whim. The shadows watch me, and I feel him everywhere. Beside me when I sleep, behind me as I walk... Within me as I live and breathe. I hate it. I hate him. I hate him so much...

Friday, September 9, 2011

wayward child

it has been some time since we spoke on this blog, has it not? we are saddened by the sudden, but not unexpected betrayal of our beloved MORNINGSTAR. he has served god well in his brief time as one of our children, and so we ourselves shall not pursue him. he has proven himself too unstable to be permanently hallowed, thus the only merciful thing to do is to wait for god to grant him a quick death.
yet, we feel MORNINGSTAR deserves a legacy. we have a successor in mind, to inherit his name, his allies, and his duties. this second MORNINGSTAR shall not be as unstable and rebellious as CIFER was. 
CIFER, we know you and your false allies shall read this. you are a disappointment to us, but we still love you as a craftsman loves his tools. we wish you happiness in the arms of your false friends, for the brief time you still have upon this earth. we warn you: your new allies may not be receptive to one such as you joining their side. when things become too unhappy for you, we would welcome you back with open arms, as you will have learned that we are the only ones who can truly love and understand you.
to the one called ELAINE we give a warning: you have stolen away one who is precious to us. you shall find no rest, you shall find no happiness, we shall drain every last drop of blood from your broken body and offer it as a sacrifice to god. death itself shall be no reprieve for you, for we shall not allow you to rejoin your precious CAM in the great beyond. your soul will belong to god, forever in agony, forever alone, forever a monument to the futility of resisting us. resisting god.
lastly, to the one called SPENCER. we know you, we know your history, why you have done this, how you have done this. you sicken us. MORNINGSTAR will not suffer a happy fate due to your actions, and you know it. so why then have you done this? why have you damned a man so? do you intend to drag the world down with you? are you a child throwing a temper tantrum? you disgust us, and will suffer a fate worse than anything your primitive mind could comprehend. we promise this.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

End Game

THIS IS IT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. After being delayed GOD knows how long, my plan is FINALLY going to happen. Have you been wondering what this plan is? I believe I mentioned a new friend. And a Plan to Kill a Certain Sage.
The Sage, as some of you might have guessed, is Kay. Poor suicidal, beaten and broken Kay. Now... Before anyone thinks this plan will fail miserably like so many other plans, I want to introduce you to my new friend:
Do you know who this is? I do. The Mother of Kay's God Children. AND SHE WANTS REVENGE... On Kay. HAHAHA. The past couple weeks we have been teaching her the fine arts of Killing. As an added precaution, I myself shall be present to assist Melly if she fails to kill Kay and her idiot houseguest...
Now. This Post is set to go up at 6PM. We are not particularly far away from dear Kay's home. We are leaving to murder Kay at exactly 5PM. Meaning no help will come in time. Hehehehehehe. But all is not fun and games with me at the moment. This, I fear, may be my final plan able to be put in action for a while. Sad. I know. But it must be done. I want it to be done. IT WILL BE DONE. I do. I will. I. Me.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

New Jersey. Again.

Can you guess who my next target is? Hehehehe.
We made a new friend as well. Very sweet woman. Poor thing has had such a rough time... We are here to help her with her... Problems. Teaching her the fine art of Killing the SHIT out of your enemies. And guess what? She isn't half bad. I wonder. Can you guess who my new friend is?
This is going to be SO fun. Wish us luck. 

Friday, August 26, 2011

Well That Was Amusing

The Runner Party has been destroyed. The names of the victims are Penny, Damon and Brandon. The fourth one escaped. Jessie was her name I think. Doesn't matter really. We had such fun. So. Operation Gardener. We managed to get this Big Hedge Maze, see.... And we kidnapped the Runners. Put them deep in the Maze. Then I took a nap and waited for them to finally WAKE UP.
So once the sleeping beauties woke from their nap... The Game Began. We had Recluse guarding the Maze's exit. All the others were wandering the Maze in the dead of night... Which explains why Gleeman (Who would not shut the fuck up, and had a Chainsaw that was on FIRE) was so easily avoided. It also explains why Darkhorse was useless. He refused to take off his sunglasses and thus could not SHOOT STRAIGHT.
But aside from those problems... Jack proved useful. He managed to capture Penny and brought her back to the... Command area. We hoped the others would to rescue her... But I think they got lost. Or Gleeman scared them off. So Jack skinned Penny alive. It was rather gruesome.
Tiger was the next to find them. They were trying to be sneaky. Samedi was helping Darkhorse out of the Maze, and the Trio was following them. Isn't that cute? They were trying to CHEAT. Tiger took out... Brandon I think it was. He snuck up on them and Grabbed Brandon from behind. The Others did not realize until Tiger came back for more. So they took off running... And by some stroke of luck, they made it to the exit.
Damon was a brave man. Now a brave bloody smear on the ground. He attacked Recluse at the Gate. Managed to hold her off until Jessie escaped. Before Recluse went Zangief on his ass. Poor, poor Jessie. All Alone now. I even waved goodbye to her. Ah... Father will get her. Or another member of the family. She isn't my problem anymore. By the way. Brandon. Tasted WONDERFUL.
Now that this fun is over, I have business in New Jersey. My Newest Plan. My GREATEST... Plan. You see ladies and gentlemen... I made a new friend.
Addendum: Guys. I just saw Jessie's Comment. SHE HAS A BLOG. WOO HOO! I JUST FUCKED UP ANOTHER BLOGGER. HELL YES.
1. Serve Father.
2. Track Large Runner Party and Initiate Operation Gardener.
3. Find Elaine Again. For some FUN.
4. Kill Haku-Chan's Guard Dog.
5. Burn Down Forgemaster's house. Again.
6. Return to North Carolina to Pay Respects... Don't Ask.
7. Replace Dead Minions. (Will Probably look to the nearest Circus/Asylum for Potential Recruits)
8. Send the After Action Reports I keep forgetting about to the appropriate Family members.
9. Demand a Pay Raise from Superiors.
9.5 When pay raise is rejected, egg their houses and blame it on... Rhodes. I dislike him. Don't know why.
10. Meet With Andromeda in Tennessee. IF there is time. No Promises.
11. Come up with a Title to replace "Doctor." I am thinking "Lord Morningstar. Sir Morningstar. Captain Morningstar. Darth Morningstar... Opinions? Suggestions? 
12. Murder Ronald McDonald.
13. Initiate Operation Mother's Love.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Minor Update

Ronald McDonald is now officially on my Death List. Cannot fucking believe it. That Clown's retarded minions fucked up my order. I demanded KETCHUP AND CHEESE be on my Hamburger. NOT FUCKING MUSTARD. FUCK MUSTARD. THAT SHIT IS DISGUSTING. I SAID MY ORDER FOUR GODDAMN TIMES TO THAT SHIT-HEAD AT THE WINDOW. THEN HE HAD THE BALLS TO NOT FIX IT WHEN I CAME BACK TO COMPLAIN. So I blew his brains out. What little there was. After that I asked to see the Manager. Very Polite man. A little bit on edge though. Must have been a rough day. He fixed the problem. Still. This is not acceptable. Making me waste a bullet AND my time on some jackass high school drop-out. Gleeman does not seem to like Ronald McDonald either. He decapitated The Fake McDonald sitting in the bench. WE SHALL MAKE THAT CLOWN PAY FOR THIS INSULT. Ronald McDonald insulted children of Him. Therefore, he has insulted Him. He has insulted FATHER. DO YOU HEAR ME RONALD? YOU HAVE INSULTED A GOD. YOU WILL FEEL HIS WRATH FOR THIS. AND MINE.
1. Serve Father.
2. Track Large Runner Party and Initiate Operation Gardener.
3. Find Elaine Again. For some FUN.
4. Kill Haku-Chan's Guard Dog.
5. Burn Down Forgemaster's house. Again.
6. Return to North Carolina to Pay Respects... Don't Ask.
7. Replace Dead Minions. (Will Probably look to the nearest Circus/Asylum for Potential Recruits)
8. Send the After Action Reports I keep forgetting about to the appropriate Family members.
9. Demand a Pay Raise from Superiors.
9.5 When pay raise is rejected, egg their houses and blame it on... Rhodes. I dislike him. Don't know why.
10. Meet With Andromeda in Tennessee. IF there is time. No Promises.
11. Come up with a Title to replace "Doctor." I am thinking "Lord Morningstar. Sir Morningstar. Captain Morningstar. Darth Morningstar... Opinions? Suggestions? 
12. Murder Ronald McDonald.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Judgement Day

So. Yeah. I changed my mind. Are you really surprised?
ANYWAY now that this little distraction is over, I need to get back to slaughtering unlucky morons in cartoonish ways. I admit. It has been too long since I have had a round of Flaming Baby Baseball, or forced an idiot to play "Dodge the Anvil." Frankly, I feel that the bit depression I have had is due to a drop in my creativity. It is annoying and it needs to be fixed. And so it shall. We have a GROUP of Runners just WAITING to be slaughtered. And I have a glorious, GLORIOUS plan.
Also. Need some feedback here... Am I the only one here that finds Furbies Creepy? And how plausible is it to install Cameras in their eyes? My Duck Plan kind of fell through. This is the backup... Actually. A LOT of my to-do lists activities fell through. I am especially sad about not getting the bicycle Arkady promised. Why did you have to go and kill yourself like that? Jackass.
Anyway. I am sure everyone is happy I am not causing the end of the world. This Year. Hehehe. We will be hanging on to the Syringes though. Maybe we can use them once or twice more. So. How about a revised list?

1. Serve Father.
2. Track Large Runner Party and Initiate Operation Gardener.
3. Find Elaine Again. For some FUN.
4. Kill Haku-Chan's Guard Dog.
5. Burn Down Forgemaster's house. Again.
6. Return to North Carolina to Pay Respects... Don't Ask.
7. Replace Dead Minions. (Will Probably look to the nearest Circus/Asylum for Potential Recruits)
8. Send the After Action Reports I keep forgetting about to the appropriate Family members.
9. Demand a Pay Raise from Superiors.
9.5 When pay raise is rejected, egg their houses and blame it on... Rhodes. I dislike him. Don't know why.
10. Meet With Andromeda in Tennessee. IF there is time. No Promises.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

He... He can't be dead. I mean... He's Redlight. Surely he... Planned for this. Right? A Backup plan. ITS REDLIGHT. HE CAN'T BE DEAD... Fuck what do I do what do I do... Those things are just... Three feet away from me... Ten Days Redlight said. Two Days. Two Days left before I am to END everything. The World. These things can end the world, according to Sagey... I HAVE ORDERS... I will not disobey. I shall not disobey. I cannot disobey. I WILL NOT DISOBEY... Two Days. Two Days left. Nothing to worry about for two days...

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Now... I Am Getting Pissed Off

FUCK the Management. FUCK My Handler. FUCK Valtiel. FUCK Redlight. I Joined up to Kill for FATHER. Not for them. First Redlight comes in here and tells me to commit genocide in... Three Days. Then. JUST last night, my BELOVED Handler Valtiel showed up. And Tortured me. TORTURED. You'll forgive me for not giving details on the experience, but having the equivalent of your chest exploding along with drowning in Liquid Nitrogen is NOT a memory I look back on fondly. The Point is. The reason he tortured me... Is because I am apparently not living up to HIS standards. HIS. Not Fathers. HIS. That arrogant prick thinks I need to live up to HIS standards. FUCK HIM. He didn't even tell me WHAT I was doing wrong. Just that I was doing it wrong. HELPFUL ISN'T HE...

My bitching about my superiors aside... The tracker we have for our next targets is either lazy or incompetent. Because he still has not found them yet. It is a small group of Runners who have not been running for long... I forget the names. With LUCK we will find them before the Apocalypse. I would like to kill a few people before the skies begin raining fire and shit. Wish me luck I guess. Or don't. If you don't, odds are I will see you soon. And rip out your still beating heart. And eat it. Hahahahahaha. You know, I have never actually done that. Seems a bit... Unsanitary? Raw Heart Meat. Maybe I should rip out the still beating heart and THEN cook it. Season it. Make some french fries. Get Ketchup for a more authentic look. THEN EAT IT. Yeah... I think I'll do that.

Addendum: You know. Valtiel never ONCE talked about the Syringes. Unlike every other ProxyChosen I have spoken to in the past few days. Call me paranoid but... I think he knows something I don't. I am beginning to suspect I am being manipulated by my superiors. Or Valtiel is just really stupid, which to be fair, is not unlikely.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

We Shall Pretend that never Happened, yes?

So it is back to business as usual. Find a Runner, Kill a Runner, get Chinese Food, then repeat. We have quite a few targets to deal with in this city, so I proposed splitting up. One Family Member for One Target. I was sent after a 25 year old woman by the name of Jill. Jill's most noteworthy traits were that she was very, very poor. She also had an adorable little doggy named Cerberus. It was nowhere NEAR as threatening as the name would imply. Not even a barker. ANYWAY. Because Jill is poor and has a doggy to feed, she has become the neighborhood's "Master of Unlocking." By that I mean she is a dirty thief. Stealing whatever she can from whoever she can. She first saw Father around... Three Weeks ago? Somewhere around there. Tracker found her, informed us, and here we are.
So here was the plan. I entered her apartment, as stealthily as I could. I had with me a jack-in-the-box minus the jack, the music box I took from the Goldman estate (I adore the thing. Such a calming melody) and my usual knives. I butchered the dog, cut off it's head and put it in the jack-in-the-box. I placed the dog-in-the-box on the largest bloodstain on the floor. I placed the music box just in front of the door and turned it on. I myself, then hid in a closet nearby.
About half an hour later, Jill came in. I know this, because the music box stopped. So I got ready in my hiding spot. She did EXACTLY what I knew she would do. Despite seeing an unknown Music Box playing, proving that someone had been (Or still IS) in her house, she entered anyway. I heard her nervously call for her doggy. Then she found the blood and the box. I heard her say "What? What is THIS?" I can GUESS that she slowly approached it, knowing full well what would be inside, filled with denial... It did take a while for me to hear "The Monkey Chased the Weasel" start playing. I heard her gasp, wordless, not a SCREAM... And well... It has been too long since I have tasted the flesh of an Unworthy. We dined on Jill Sandwiches this night.
The other's did not have such interesting kills. Tiger killed his quarry in a park by asphyxiation (Anaconda chokes Platypus, I think he termed it). Recluse beat her target to death with a Golf Club. Gleeman used poisoned animal crackers to kill his prey (NEVER, EVER ACCEPT FOOD FROM FUCKING CLOWNS.) Darkhorse ran his target over with a car. Samedi claims he had a sword duel to the death with his target. I think he is full of shit and just shanked the fucker from behind. Jack... I am not sure what the hell he dead. He came back to us carrying a bloody sleeping bag. His target was not the person inside, nor were they the only source of the blood. He assured us that the target was most certainly dead. The questions is, how many OTHER people are most certainly dead.
Also do not worry. The Syringes are locked away tightly, and I doubt these idiots are going to mess with them anymore. Unless I tell them to, of course. I admit... I have some reservations about using them. But orders are orders, right? Redlight is family under Father. Right? Father knows best.
Addendum: Jack killed Twelve campers before he got the right one. According to him "Yonder knaves were committing art most grievous sin of hither yond fornication. HARK! I haveth punishedith thine targeths for their SIN."

Monday, August 8, 2011

Miracle Grow...

... From Hell. THAT is what is in the Syringes. Holy FUCKING SHIT... I am not a squeamish person but... Ok... Ok. Let me explain.
Earlier... Yesterday... I finally decided to put down Redlight's case. Eat. Sleep. You know. Do important things. So I locked the case in a room and gave STRICT orders NOT to go in and NOT to open the case. Terminator ignored me it seems. Samedi woke me up and rushed me to the room, now unlocked, where the Case was... Inside I saw Terminator writhing on the floor. I saw one of the Syringes, minus a little bit of the liquid laying beside him (God only knows what would have happened if it broke)... I picked it up and moved away from Terminator. He was screaming and bleeding from his eyes, nose, mouth, ears and hands. Upon... Closer inspection I saw something moving underneath his skin. He was begging for help... Then all at once he went quiet.
Roots I guess they were... Burst through his eyes, and out his nose, ears and mouth, jabbing themselves into the ground. THROUGH the concrete floor. Terminator was still making noises, so I assume he was still alive at this point. His limbs were beginning to twist in unnatural positions as well. Like a contortionist. Only it looked like Terminator was in severe pain. You could hear the snapping of bones, the ripping of flesh and GOD knows what else in between his panicked screams, still muffled with by the roots. It might have been a beautiful sight had I not been so horrified.
Tiger pulled us all away from Terminator at this point and slammed the storage room door shut. "What the fuck did Redlight give us?" "What the hell was that?" Followed by a long silence. I can't even tell you WHY I found it so scary. I have seen worse... Not MUCH worse, but I seen worse deaths. This one was just so... Wrong. Everything about it felt so wrong about it... It felt as bad as Redlight.
Roughly... Three hours later, we opened the door, and... There was a tree there now. It's roots dug deep into the ground, It was as tall as the storage room was (About 12 Feet Tall). It had no leaves on it's branches... It's bark seemed to have bones jutting out of it... One of the branches ended in what I believe to be Terminator's left arm. The end of the branch looked like a hand... I could swear it was twitching a bit. The aroma of death filled the air around the tree, and I could see that every fly in the building was buzzing about, trying to find the rotting meat that emitted the stench.
As you can imagine, we are getting out of here. Redlight will probably be pissed that Terminator used some of that... Substance. But he paid the price... It was not my fault. Not at all. We are getting out of this city. Away from that TREE... Need to get back on track... Back to the killing... Back to the fun. Away from THAT... Far, far away... We are keeping the Syringes close. We will not destroy them. But we will not use them... Yet. Redlight's orders still stand. If He wants us to kill the world, so be it.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Jesus Christ I am freaking out here. Redlight. GODDAMN Redlight showed up. He is alive. Fucking Hell, he really is alive. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Shit. Ok... So we were all sitting down planning our next mission. Then we heard a door open... And there he was, carrying a metal suitcase with him. The Others did not recognize him, so they pulled weapons... Argh. Let me just give you the conversation. I remember it perfectly because my GOD was I scared.

RL: "Hmph, I see you've been keeping busy with the usual teamkilling and random chaos..."
(At this point, the morons pulled guns out and aimed at Redlight.)
MS: "You... Aren't dead?"
(At this point he sort of waved me off and set the suitcase down on a table)
RL: "No.  It isn't quite as easy as Robert thought, though the last few weeks haven't been a banner time."
(He snapped his fingers and gestured towards the case at this point)
RL: "Got a present for you."
MS: "Everyone out. NOW."
( The idiots went away, and I approached Redlight at this point. I freely admit that I was terrified.)
RL: "Alright, this is some hazardous material."  (He gestured to the case) "It's to be handled cautiously, now Luke, I know how you get when you get a box of fun toys, but this is a serious hazard."
(Son of a bitch used THAT name for me. How DARE he use that name.)
MS: "Right. Why are you giving this to me, if you DON'T want me to use it?"
RL: "Ohhh, time and a place.  See, I've got myself a..."  (He drummed his fingers on the metal) "A little insurance here.  In case things turn sour."
(He turned to the side here and I noticed that one of his friggen eyeballs were hanging out.)
RL: "Between you and me, Immortality's sometimes not worth the effort."
(He sort of laughed at this point... Fucking creepy laugh.)
RL:  "Due to the....malady from our mutually loathed and departed pain in the ass, Sagel...I've been recruited on the grounds of self-preservation, to find a way to kill a certain plasma spewing tree.
(He opened the case and there were 12 Syringes filled with a weird white liquid inside.)
MS: "And these Syringes can kill the tree?"
RL: "No, I don't think so.  What this a little concoction I put together, from a first hand sample."
(He balled his hands into fists at this point and trembled a bit. I think I know what he means by first hand sample...)
RL: "Anyway...these little gems seem to infect others with a rather serious affliction."
(He sort of put his hand over one of the syringes and then his tone got more quiet... I don't think he was actually talking to ME when he said these next words)
RL: "Roots, branches. It's like a cancer,  it just eats you up, sometimes in a day, or a moment, but worst...worst is when it just sits there and..."
(I think he remembered I was still there at this point)
RL: "Anyway, here's the deal.  If you don't hear from me in ten days, you get to go have some of your playtime with this stuff."
(He looked me right in the eyes at this point. Once again. I am fucking terrified of this man. I can't say why. But he is the most terrifying person I have ever met.)
RL:  "Because if I'm going down, I'll take the world down with me.  You see, it only takes a dab of this stuff to kill, it's almost a supernatural poison, you see.  Which is why I urge caution."
MS: "Alright. So, just how much chaos will this cause? Any particular people I should inject?"
(He spread his arms open at this point)
RL: "There's probably enough in there for well over a hundred people, so by no means do you need to be particular.  The people I'm going to have to go see, well, they really don't like it when you threaten the public."
(He shut the case at this point)
RL: "Do me proud, kid."
(He began to walk away and I heard him say... This.)
RL: "The world turns to ash..."
(And then he stopped in the doorway. I swear to GOD I saw something moving in his back. Just pulsating twitching movement. Something moving around in there... And then he left.)

Yeah. So. That happened. I am... In a state of shock and utter TERROR. I don't even want to KNOW what these syringes do. Goddamn. I... I hope I never see him again. I have never felt such a... Fuck it. I am going to bed. Dream sweet dreams with luck. Nothing about Trees. God... Father help me. Father help me...

Friday, July 29, 2011


In other news, Michelle is back. My poor lost sister is not doing so well it seems. Still fighting Father's influence over her. What a waste of time. She has nothing left worth fighting for. Her family is dead and her home destroyed. She has no friends, no allies... And she could turn at any moment into something like ME. "But what about Valerie/Haku-Chan?" you might ask. I personally believe her to be more of a care-taker than a friend. I don't think she likes Michelle, but I do think she feels... Responsible for her. But Haku-Chan, know this. You cannot save her, and everything that you do to delay her turning will be undone by those around you.
Yes, I am calling it RIGHT NOW. Sagey and Kay are going to HATE and distrust Michelle. OH YES. I KNOW IT. Look at Kay for a minute. She is growing more and more paranoid as the days go by. Attacking a potential boyfriend just for sneaking up on her. Do you think she is going to be OK with a potential female version of ME running around her house with Haku-Chan? I think not. She is not as compassionate as she lets on. What about our dear White Knight Sagey? Surely he would show some compassion towards this poor lost soul? Well, it isn't likely. Michelle is one step away from becoming a cold blooded killer. It is Sagey's job to protect his friends from all potential risks, is it not? He will hate and distrust her as much as Kay will. Thus a rift will form between the Sages. AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE TO AVOID IT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
But Haku-Chan. They are right you know. Your little Guard Dog is very sick. She is a danger to herself and others. Someone is going to have to put her down before she goes completely crazy. I mean... Look at me. How I was before I became a Child of His. I was angry at the world for what it had done to me, I had no friends and no one I considered family. She is the same as I am now (Admittedly, I had to "Help" her along with that family bit). There is only one way to keep her mind from shattering. Giving her to Father. He is the only one who can save her now. You Haku-Chan, are damning her to an existence of fear, pain and misery. She straddles the line between light and darkness. It only takes one wrong step for to fall into darkness for eternity. But we can save her. We can bring her to the light.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


The Operation is about to begin. So EXCITED. It is a brilliant BRILLIANT plan. It will not fail. It shall require subtlety and tact. This is a very stealthy mission and we intend to draw the bare minimum of blood. For now. Thank GOD I left Angmar behind in Texas, otherwise we might never have found her. We are even allowed to have my beautiful BEAUTIFUL Slendermobile to aid in the... "Rescue" of our Target from her captors. HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU PROSPER. SHE IS MINE NOW, NOT YOURS.
UPDATE: I GOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SAGEY. Come GET her. The longer you wait, the more FUN we will have with her. I wonder how much pain she can take before dying. Let's find out shall we? Hmm... What does she always call me? Cuntmuffin? Cunt. Muffin. Hmmm. How can we use that for torture. Should we? Nah. Too Vulgar. OH I KNOW. We'll let Recluse have fun with her. She will be all too happy to kick the shit out of her only (in her mind) rival for Sagey's affection. THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN. FUCK YOU ALL. I AM BACK. AND I AM GONNA STAIN THE WORLD RED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE UNWORTHY. Starting with this bitch. Hurry Sagey. She is counting on you. I even let her have computer access so she can beg you to save her. Or something. It is funny either way.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Alright. NEW PLAN.

This is not the time to be MOPING. This is the time to be ATTACKING. Everyone is saddened, imprisoned, WEAK. I should be taking advantage of this... So I need to catch a flight and make a phone call. I will cause SUCH destruction and pain in His name. He shall be pleased with me, and all of you loathsome humans will hate me and curse my name before I make you DROWN IN YOUR OWN BLOOD.
My plan is a glorious one, which will not fail. My target is weak, and unable to truly defend itself at this time. It will be easy prey. I am gonna make it SCREAM so good. You all are going to lose a good friend soon. A pillar of support. Some will be hurt more than others, and my guess is that one of you will die in a rescue attempt. You can guess who once my prey has been taken. I am bringing back an old toy of mine to assist with the hunt. HeheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I AM BACK.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Why Do I Do the Things that I Do?

I shall not lie to you Ladies and Gentlemen. I hate people. Every single miserable sinning last one of them. Little good has ever come from humanity, and it is all eclipsed by the horrors we inflict on each other and everything else. I know this first hand. I have seen and experienced some of the worst humanity has to offer. I have BECOME one of the worst, and I do not regret it. Should I? I have no idea. My side contains freaks, psychopaths, fanatics, criminals, innocents, fools, and geniuses all working towards a common goal. Serving our Father. Punishing humanity for it's evil and sin.
This is a fairly noble goal. Why then do I feel sad about the death of one insignificant human? A human I have BARELY interacted with. I should not be having flashbacks because of this... Anyway.
I have been wandering around New York City doing jack shit for the past couple of days. They probably want me back in Texas right now, to pick up the slack. I don't care. That Prosper asshole seems to have things under control. Strangely, I hope he fails to kill his next few targets. Or at the very least, becomes as "effective" as I currently am at killing important people.
I killed a fast food worker yesterday for being rude to me. I shoved a drill through his eyes and left him to rot in an alley. I had no fun with that one. Is that what I am missing right now? I go from Killdozer to... Drilling through a man's eye? Pathetic. WHEN DID I GET SO PATHETIC?!?! Gah. Pointless angst on top of this as well.
I am about positive HE has returned. The problem is, HE is doing odd things. According to reports, HE is PANICKED for some reason. Could IT be following him I wonder. It does not matter to me I suppose. As long as he stays FAR away from me, HE can go rot for all I care. I have to admit, HE scares me a little.
Maybe I should finally make contact with another group of Family Members in New York. Nothing better to do I suppose. Aside from killing a few more pathetic stain on this planet I find littering the dark corners of this shit hole.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Wedding Disaster

MY DISGUISE WAS PERFECT. How did they see through it... A hat, sunglasses, bellhop uniform (With a NAME TAG) and I spoke with a German Accent. AND USED GERMAN WORDS, hell, EVEN MY BELLHOP NAME WAS GERMAN (Johann Schmidt). My preparations were FLAWLESS. The Food was poisoned out of sight of EVERYONE except that damn cook (Of course, I made sure he kept quiet. Forever more.). The explosives under the chairs were hidden as carefully as possible. My minions were laying in wait in case things went wrong... I EVEN HAD A PARACHUTE IN CASE I HAD TO JUMP OUT A WINDOW.
Yet somehow... EVERYONE... EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN LAST ONE OF THOSE BASTARDS SAW THROUGH ME. I was not ACTING suspicious. So HOW DID YOU DO IT... Are... Are you unworthy Psychic now? I mean Sagey might be... But the rest of you?
For those who did NOT attend the wedding, some explanation may be in order. For most of that, go check Lainey's blog. Her insufferable roommate and his boyfriend got married. So I of course decided to crash the wedding. Nee-chan was there as well, presumably for the same reasons I was. And she brought friends. Long story short, my plain failed miserably. Only ONE person ate the poison, and because everyone was too busy trying to help the sick person, my bombs did NOTHING. Killing NO ONE.. Worse. I got trapped in an Elevator with Sagey. I am not a Kung-Fu Wizard like he is, so I was rather outmatched until Tiger and Recluse saved me when the elevator opened.
SPEAKING of Recluse. She will not SHUT UP about Sage. She tackled him when the door opened, and I swear to GOD, since that moment she has not stopped fangasming over... And I quote... "Feeling his strong beautiful body..." and then going off on a tangent (That I shall never repeat) about things she would have liked to do to him if they had more time. It was rather disturbing honestly.
Anyway. Nee-chan seemed to be outmatched upstairs, so Darkhorse and Gleeman managed to get her out alive by providing cover fire and then dragging her out of the ROOM FULL OF MARINES... Nee. Sweetie. You know I love you and all, but... That was an idiotic move. They had guns, you had a knife. Listen to the Master on this one... You should have ambushed stragglers in the fight outside and silently killed them with the knife.
The Good news is, we all managed to escape alive and relatively unharmed. That Konaa jackass has made it on my list for hurting Nee-chan. But that will be for later. God DAMN I need a vacation... Or at least a rest. No attacking bloggers for a little while. I have other targets after all. Easier targets. Who will not fight back as much. That I can use more creative methods to kill. I have not forgotten about Operation Quackerjack. Hehehehehehe.
This was nothing but a minor setback. It changes NOTHING.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Been a Busy couple of Days has it not?

Today we gave a little... Reality check to Miss KK. The Family member we met up with was in fact Andromeda. She had a use for us. As you all probably know, KK's... Daugher/Sister/Niece, I don't really care. Someone close to her was kidnapped by Andromeda. As expected, KK took the bait. We were told to expect tear gas or some shit. So we all had on gas masks, just in case. Sure enough, the windows broke and tear gas was tossed in. KK assumed it took us all out, and rushed inside with only a couple of hanguns. You can guess what happened next...
So after subduing KK, we let her and Andromeda have "The Talk" as I like to call it. You know the one. The Captured Villain being gloated to by the Cunning Hero. Anyway, so once Andromeda killed the hostage, KK went berserk and tried to break free. Tiger and Recluse were not having any of that. By this point, I was wondering why we did not smash her legs. As if hearing my thoughts, Andromeda let us have PLAYTIME with KK. Due to my lack of a prepared Death Trap, I resorted to the old method of beating the ever loving shit out of her. In key spots of course, I want her to feel everything after all. She was surprisingly resilient, though I am guessing the death of the hostage has something to do with that. So, I took a large hammer and broke off one of the hostage's bones. Took a little time sharpening it. Then I decided that KK should die happy. So, I put a smile on her face. A permanent smile.
Unfortunately, mere seconds later, the Path to Heaven opened around her and she was gone. Some blasphemous Unworthy DARED to use the Holy Power of the Path to save an UNWORTHY! As you can guess, I was rather upset. Nevertheless, the mission a relative success. No casualties on our side, the hostage is dead, and we left our mark on dear KK.
And now I have very long drive ahead of me, to another state entirely. Minus my team, they have to hold down the fort. My work is not yet completed.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

New York

We have ARRIVED. We are going to meet up with another local Chosen Family member to plan the downfall of a certain Unworthy. These are Diabolical Plans. Destructive Plans. Plans that COULD NEVER FAIL. So of course I am rather paranoid of things to come. With such a busy schedule, things are bound to go wrong.
And, I fear... Something already has gone wrong. Very, very wrong.
For you see, Ladies & Gentlemen... I am afraid. We are all afraid. I have been hearing rumors that turn my blood to ice. There are whispers amongst our Family... They say, that Family members are acting strange... That out of nowhere they spasm and they scream in pain. Then they run off. Never to be seen again. They say... That these Family members act strangely before they disappear. Like they are another person entirely. Like who they are has fundamentally changed inside. That the affected Family member carries an air of majesty and an aura of menace matched only by Father himself...
They say... that HE has returned.

Monday, July 18, 2011


Yeah. Dante was very lucky I still am suffering from my wound. No heavy fighting for a while yet. We leave tomorrow to New York City and beyond. See quite a few of you soon... I have missed you.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I Hate Plane Flights

Urgent business is cutting our visit to Texas short. We shall be boarding another airplane in a couple days. They need to make up their Goddamn minds about where they want to send me. I found a Cow-thing that liked us. I named him Gregory. Gregory the Chosen Cow-thing. I wish they would have let us take him on the plane. He was so well behaved. Would have been a welcome addition to my team. Stronger than all the others, a fair bit smarter as well. More subtle than Jack. Not as scary as Gleeman.
What is this business you may ask? It is a secret. The Bloody Truth will be revealed soon enough... And it shall be glorious. Side note. Jack gets plane sickness. Bad. Tried to stab the flight attendant last time. We will put a muzzle on him this time. And a leash. Recluse will be holding said leash. Also, dear Tensor has left our group on some secret assignment.
To the NORTH WE GO. Again. Rude people, bad drivers and shitty food AWAITS.
I should really visit a few old friends while I am up there. I'll bet they are DYING to see me. HAHAHAHA Always wanted to say that.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Three Down. Seven to Go

Scarecrow and Menglina are dead (And my GOD Menglina tasted good). Angmar has been reassigned to kill Elaine and Cam or be hunted down himself. I wonder which moron we will lose next. My vote is Gleeman... Fucking Freak Job... Saw him doing unspeakable things to a Rubber Chicken. The Chicken did not do a damn thing to deserve that... Poor thing. Also, I am in an ungodly amount of pain. I have been told that it will be a while before I am fully recovered. So fuck you Angmar. I hope Elaine kills you like Scarecrow.

In other news, we received a conformation that Redlight is dead. Can't say I am going to miss the bastard. Though this IS a rather severe setback for us. Redlight was the face of the Chosen, and with him gone, we can expect higher casualties. And severe demoralization. They guy who gave us the news was nearly hysterical. Some of my own friends starting panicking even. So now we need a new Chosen to be the "Face" and replace Redlight. I vote Iscariot personally. It is a tough job, but I sure YOU of all people could handle it.

As for us, well, we have a fuck ton of Targets to murder here in Texas. We even know where one of those Wintergreen survivors are. Dear Dante. Hehehehe. I am going to be far more cautious this time. And Far more aware that I am teamed with possibly the least subtle people in the entire world. Jack nearly murdered FIVE Hospital Staff while I was there. Thank GOD... Or Thank the Loa or whatever those Voodoo Gods are called, that Baron Sammy was able to hold Jack's leash. As for Gleeman and Crouching Tiger's little scuffle, I found out that Gleeman was insulting Tiger's fighting style. Thus Tiger's rage. Henceforth they shall not be teamed together.

My guess is that it will take a week or two to get back to relatively good strength... Goddammit Angmar. Until then, I am going to be directing team building exercises for our merry band of morons. I have my work cut out for me.

Addendum: Tensor keep watch over Terminator please. If I catch him NEAR the morphine one more time, I am torching all the cocaine he has. Fucking addict.

Addendum 2: WHO KEEPS SENDING ME FAN MAIL. I don't even KNOW anyone from New York. Half this crap is written in weeaboonese. I don't know what the fuck a Kawaii is. Sounds like sub-species of Koala. Some relation to Hawaii?  Sempai? Pie? Is that Japanese for Pie?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


After careful consideration, and debating it with my colleagues, I have decided to leave Angmar here. To deal with Elaine and Cam as penance for his COLOSSAL FUCK UP. THAT FAT COWARDLY INCOMPETENT WORTHLESS STUPID BASTARD NEARLY CUT ME IN HALF!
So. Perhaps some of you have read Elaine's latest post. The plan was very simple you know. Scarecrow and Angmar would be follow Elaine around, reporting her movements to Tensor's team so they could stage an ambush. My team would then pick up Cam and converge on the ambush spot. Then I would enter with Cam as a hostage, and if Elaine was somehow still alive, I would use Cam to get her to surrender. The rest of my team would then secure an escape route if something went wrong. My GOD did something go wrong.
First off, Tensor. May I ask where you were? You had Tiger, Recluse and Gleeman with you. They would have been VERY useful you know. What happened?
Second, Scarecrow and Angmar should never have engaged Elaine. They should have fallen back and waited for backup. Scarecrow paid the price for this stupidity. I assume Elaine killed him before I arrived. Cut his throat it seems. Either that or Angmar is more dangerous with that sword than I gave him credit for. Ha.
Third, I let her get to me. Rest assured, that will not happen again. I should have cut Cam's throat wide open. Let the blood spill out. All the pretty red blood. Never going to let myself get riled up like that again.
Fucking Angmar... This will take some time to recover from this... Elaine. This is not over. Far from it. Sociopathic bitch... I WILL KILL YOU NEXT TIME. I will make you BLEED so good. The main reason I went after you in the first place was to hurt Sagey, but now I just wanna make you SCREAM. I will show you pain like you have never experienced before. I will make you beg for a death that will not come swiftly. Once I am done with you, there will not be enough left of the body to tell that you were even human... Which I am not even sure you qualify as.
Mark my words everyone. You will wish I had killed her. I know something you don't. None of you will believe me of course... But when Elaine's true nature comes out, well... I warned you. Now if you will excuse me, I need rest. My wound really fucking hurts you know.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Bad News

We have arrived in Texas, and have been here for about six hours now. I did my usual thing of calling certain people who would tell me certain things so I could go butcher certain people. I was certain that we were not well organized down here due to certain BATTLES that seem to have occurred recently. I was certainly surprised when the people I called told me they were certain that I would not be getting any reinforcements. Which certainly sucks, but it does not really bother me. THEN I was told that I was to remain in Texas until further notice, and pick up the slack of certain individuals. Who are dead.
Thus, I now have a MASSIVE list of assignments. I even have stalking duties. STALKING duties. You know the kind... Follow along without doing anything just to scare the hell out of the targets. Why can't they get someone ELSE to fill in. Why ME. Oh well. No use complaining now. What is done is done.
I know which people I am putting on the top of my "To Kill" list now... First and foremost Elaine. Not her buddy Cam though, I want to see how the marriage thing plays out. Then I hunt down any lingering Wintergreen members. Dante for example. The bad news is, because I am so SWAMPED with work, I only have a limited time to take out each target. Then again, I do LOVE a Challenge.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Leaving the North East

About fucking time if you ask me. I am SO tired of dealing with idiot Canadians and rude Northerners. We are heading Texas, one of the States I have ALWAYS wanted to visit. Granted, it is in the South West, which is the inferior part of the South, but even that is better than the Goddamn NORTH.
I hear there is a lot of shit going on down there. I DO hope I can make it worse. I WOULD like a confirmation that the Wintergreen morons are dead. Especially Arkady and Setoth. Oh lets see... Who else is in Texas.... LAINEY AND CAMMY. Wonderful. I've been wanting to meet Lainey face-to-face for some time now. Maybe torture her for a little while. Yes... That would be fun. Lots of fun with knives, as I have been doing a lot of unconventional torture for a little while now. I kind of miss the sight and sounds of a knife cutting through flesh... That wonderful feeling on plunging it deep within a body...  The ripping the tearing the cutting cutting cutting cutting HEHAHA... Leaving a disemboweled, dismembered shell behind painting the blood all across the walls and floor just like Mothers SMASHING breaking grinding bones to a powder the remains frozen in a position of my choosing amidst the glorious sea of RED around it ORGANS strung up everywhere, we'll even staple the intestines to a WALL in the shape of an Operator Symbol so ALL will know and FEAR Father and his Chosen beloved children... KILL the unworthy, KILL the monsters, KILL the demons, KILL THE FUCKING WORLD KILL IT ALL I WILL KILL IT ALL IT WILL ALL DIE YOU WILL ALL DIE WE WILL ALL DIE DIE DIE TOGETHER FOREVER IN HELL!!!!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

We do not TOLERATE Recklessness

Oh Menglina, Menglina, Menglina... Why did you make me kill you? Sticking needles in us in our sleep is fine, injecting us with God knows what is fine, even dissecting Angmar in his sleep is fine. But when you mess around with something that could SERIOUSLY screw up our plans... Well. Some lines should not be crossed, even for the sake of Science. Tensor brought some of Tabby's cure with her, in case she needed to pull a "I am really planning on "freeing" Morningstar from Father's control" routine with some prying Unworthy. It was a dangerous move to keep the cure nearby, I admit, but I suppose it does not matter anymore. I was forced to smash the cure and Menglina's skull, to avoid unnecessary risks. HA. One down Nine to go I guess. Sorry for messing up your precautions Tensor.
In other news, I have been enjoying a bit of down time. No dealing with moronic wanna-be Chosen, no idiot Unworthy to chase down, no... Nothing really. So I have spent my down time doing normal people things. Movies, Video Games and such. The Human Centipede is hilariously stupid. I also finally got to play F.E.A.R. 3 (I refuse to call it F.3.A.R.), and was very disappointed. It was not scary in the least, although Paxton Fettel was fun to play as. I am also thinking about buying Amnesia the Dark Descent. Looks fun.
Also wondering where we should go next, when the testing is complete. I am thinking Texas or New Jersey again. Lots of fun to be had in those places. I could have all sorts of fun with so many people. Speaking of which, I also had another one of those peculiar dreams last night. So fucking weird. Lainey was there, and Sagey, and... People I really did not recognize, and a Robotic Velociraptor (Fucking Awesome). Was it another shared dream Sagey? Because the last thing I remember is blowing up the room you and Lainey were in? What happened after that? Did I kill you? I hope so.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Testing the Newbies: Part Three

Contrary to popular belief, the "Tackle Fucking Everything" school of fighting is not especially popular among Chosen with more than half a brain.  Because we are up against some fairly dangerous people (Arkady, Mitch, Sagey etc), it is important that our brothers and sisters have the skills necessary... To defend themselves, and Father. Thus we have...
Test III. The Ability to Fight
We have tested the newbies in regards to their skill in hand-to-hand combat and combat with SIGNATURE weapons. Given that I myself know NOTHING of Martial Arts, I was simply making sure that our beloved little brothers and sisters are not limited to simply throwing random haymakers. Based on what I was SEEING, most of them can fight well enough. A Couple of them even know formal Martial Arts and could thus probably kick my ass in a fist-fight. But I don't do fist-fights do I? I use WEAPONS, and thus so should they. Needless to say, some of them are more adept at using weapons than others. Here were the results
Scarecrow: Tensor gave him Sickles to use in combat. He immediately started complaining that he deserved a SCYTHE made out of the BONES of the unworthy, with a blade forged from metal that has been cooled by the blood of the unworthy. Which sounds really frigging awesome I must admit. Still, this is probably Scarecrow's BEST performance yet. He proved competent in the use of Sharp things. Which is more than I can say for a LOT of people. As for hand-to-hand skills, he SAID he knew Crane Kung Fu or some shit. I somehow doubt what he was doing was Crane Kung Fu, or even a Martial Art. As I said last post, Angmar was volunteered to be the sparring partner for the other nine. (Which is why this post took an extra day to make. We had to keep waiting for him to wake up.) Well, Scarecrow failed to knock out Angmar, or even seriously wound him besides making him cry a bit and BITCH a lot. I doubt he could even beat someone with no fighting ability whatsoever. Like Arkady.

Terminator: Termy was given a Shotgun, and being an ex-cop, he appears to be proficient in it's use. I personally would have given him an M16 Assault Rifle, but this works just as well. He can shoot straight even while high as a kite. As for Martial Arts, he appears to know Krav Maga. At least that is what he says it is. I don't know Krav Maga from Akido or Sambo or all those other weird Asian words. It seemed fairly pragmatic though. Angmar was out cold in a few seconds. So we made Scarecrow spar instead. And he did not last any longer than Angmar. So we called over Tensor. And as expected she kicked the crap out of him. So I guess this makes him more useful than Scarecrow at least

Jack: Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack... I am disappointed Jack. I really am. He was given a Kukri from Tensor. He has no idea how to use the thing. He does not seem to comprehend the fact that the Kukri is made for SLASHING and not STABBING. Fortunately when we tested his aim by having him throw it, he was not too far off the target.  This means he can at least THROW the thing and hope to cause real damage. As for Martial Arts... He is roughly on par with Angmar. Haymakers and attempted Roundhouse Kicks. Angmar seemed almost RELIEVED when Jack started fighting him. He can at least stab things though, right? That is one upside to this nutcase.

Crouching Tiger: I was excited to see Tiger fight. He did not disappoint. He is really REALLY REALLY Good. Still has that unfortunate habit of shouting his attacks. The Good news is, he has a few fake out attacks. You know, where he says he is going to do one thing and then does something different. I am very proud of him. His skill with the tonfas Tensor gave him is likewise considerable. I do not want to be on his bad side. He shall be a valuable asset to our cause. (Yes I realize I am not describing his skills. This is intentional. Why give insight into our best fighter's fighting style?)

Darkhorse: Darkhorse has excellent aim despite wearing sunglasses all the time. Unfortunately he seems to be more occupied with showboating than actually shooting. He spent most of the testing session twirling his revolvers in every way possible. When we got around to the sword fighting bit, he proved to be competent at it. Not much else I can say about his weapon skills. He is good. As for Hand-to-Hand, much to my disappointment, he was at least as good as Terminator in... Whatever kind of fighting style he is using. Not as efficient as Termy though. He spent most of the "fight" standing in one place while Angmar tried to punch him. After Angmar went down, again, we sent in Terminator to spar with him. Termy lost, but at least he made Darkhorse actually move around a little. Bleh. So Darkhorse is competent. Moving on.

Dr. Menglina: Tensor gave the Doctor Scalpels to use. She got a little too excited with them however... During a break, Scarecrow came running out of a back room screaming about how Menglina was trying to dissect him. Yes... I suppose I should mention that a lot of the newbies keep waking up with mysterious cuts and shit. I wonder who was causing that. As for Hand-to-Hand... Well she sucks, to be perfectly honest. She had no idea what she was doing while beating up Angmar. It was all too obvious. She may end up being more trouble than she is worth.

Gleeman: Tensor chose Pies to be the Clown's... SIGNATURE weapon. Possibly a Joke on her part, but he did a damn good job killing the test subjects with it. First by smothering one guy with the Pie, then by beating a guy to death with the thing it was in. Really, weapons testing was a waste of time for Bozo. He has everything from Exploding Rubber Chickens to Poison Pies, to throwing knives, to a... Flamethrower? I am not sure what the hell he uses to set things on fire like he does. Not to mention the CHAINSAW and the spear-flag gun. The real question here in my mind was this: Without the weapons, could he put up a fight? Well the short answer is No and the longer one is Hell no. Angmar, no doubt having picked up a few tricks from the others, was giving him trouble. ANGMAR. Gave him trouble. The only noteworthy thing about the clown's hand-to-hand is that, despite his large belly, he is rather acrobatic.

Baron Samedi: Baron Sammy was given a blowgun with poison darts, and my GOD he has good aim with it. The poison in them presumably comes from the snake. Otherwise he must... Buy them off of E-Bay or something. A tiny sting and the victim dies a slow painful death. I fucking love Poison. Sammy also knows Capoeria which looks completely AWESOME, and according to wikipedia, is very bad-ass. Considering he was fighting Angmar however, I cannot say for certain how effective it is. He may also have played around too much with Angmar. Still though, I did not expect THIS from a guy who dressed like a witch doctor. We will be putting him on the front lines with Tiger from now on.

Angmar: Take a WILD Guess how effective this man is in combat with Tensor's Razor and his Sword. He is a fairly strong man, I'll give him that. But he is perhaps the worst fighter I have ever seen, and I have seen a LOT of bad fighters. (Examples include: Sagey, Mitch, and Ryuu). He is whiny, he is incompetent, and he cannot take a punch. Well. Now he probably can. But he couldn't before this. If by some miracle he survives Tensor's challenge, I am probably going to send him after some REALLY low priority, incompetent and non-threatening Unworthy. So... Elaine maybe. We'll see.

Brown Recluse:  Before we talk about how she is an able fighter, we must first discuss something I found out a short time ago. Recluse is in LOVE. In Love with a man she has never met and has only heard about in stories and seen in pictures. That man... Is Amalgamation Sage. Clearly she has poor taste in men. But I may head back up to the New Jersey area, just to get her to shut up about him. Provided she passes Tensor's challenge of course. As for her combat abilities. Well. It is fairly obvious she is very strong. Thus Tensor gave her a Sledgehammer (In Honor of the Fallen Rika. May you rest in peace in the arms of Father in Heaven). She is adept with a sledgehammer as anyone could be I think. She is very good at smashing things. As for her Hand-to-Hand abilities... Well I actually had to stop her from breaking Angmar in half. Amusing though it would have been.

And that Concludes MY tests. All that remains is the Challenge devised by Tensor. What this challenge is... I do not know. She will not tell me. Needless to say, I do not expect everyone to survive. HeheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I will post the survivors list in a couple days. So we have enough time to clean up the inevitable mess and bury the bodies. Oh I cannot WAIT. We have a whole list of new targets to play with. I may even stop by to say hello to a few of you Unworthy along the way. Gotta wonder if Tensor will continue to accompany us. We'll see I suppose. I need to see a little more suffering, a little more pain a little more chaos. I cannot wait I cannot wait I CANNOT WAIT.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Testing the Newbies: Part Two

So they can kill unarmed people tied to chairs. This skill is not all that helpful when it comes to hunting the unworthy. Some unworthy are JUST intelligent enough to know when to run away. Some (very few) also have the intellect to recognize that the man in the mask with a weapon pointed at them is a threat. Thus we have to make sure our beloved brothers and sisters can both keep up with fleeing "Runners" and hide in plain sight. Thus we have...
Test II. The Ability to Hunt
I feel that there should mandatory parkour training for all Chosen. It is VERY helpful in numerous situations. But it takes too long to teach. So we had to settle for generic tests. After that we had to figure out a way to test their ability to stalk their prey. So we picked random people in a crowd and told the newbies to stalk them. Meanwhile, WE would stalk the newbies to see how they are doing.
(Note: Upon examination of this post upon finishing it, I decided that telling you how the Recruits did on the Generic Physical tests would be both counter productive and BORING. So I am simply going to put "Pass" or "Fail" for those Categories instead of a long detailed paragraph about how Tiger and Recluse are fucking strong, Scarecrow is fucking weak and Angmar was rushed to the hospital for passing out after running less than half a mile. Boring stuff really.)
    Strength Test- Failed
    Speed Test- Failed
    Endurance Test- Failed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Rule number one about stalking your prey is obvious. Do not do anything that will attract attention. Scarecrow, as one might guess, completely ignored that rule in favor of something more... Ominous. Namely he kept the Bag on his head, and walked around hunched over with his cape covering half of his bagface. Laughing as loudly and dramatically as he could. His target noticed fairly quickly and walked into a store. Scarecrow followed and it took all of 3 Minutes for him to come running out of the store saying they threatened to call the police. Needless to say, he Failed.

    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Termy was assigned a particularly stupid looking target to stalk. That should have been easy for him, right? WRONG.  The target turned out to be a Drug Dealer. I think you can see where this is going. So after Termy made a purchase, (Using OUR money I might add) he realized he was supposed to be STALKING the dealer. So he did the "obvious thing" (His words, not mine). He picked up a really big rock and bashed the guy over the head with it. Apparently, Termy thought this would cause amnesia. Regrettably, it did not. It killed the dealer. Another mess I am going to have to clean up. And by "I", I mean Angmar. Yep. So. Termy Failed.

    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Failed (He Refused to take off his Costume)
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Failed. FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED. Jesus H CHRIST. The moron was supposed to STALK the target not DRAG HER SCREAMING INTO AN ALLEY AND DISEMBOWEL HER. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. Thank FATHER that the people who overheard the SCREAMING assumed someone else already called the police.  And you people call ME a "Monster" and a "Moron". Jacky Boy FAILS to realize that there is MORE to Mass Murder than simply knifing your victim. There is some artistry to stalking the victims, and then killing the victims in creative ways. Any fool with a knife could do what Jack did. Ah... What has become of Serial Killers these days.

Crouching Tiger:
    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: This one surprised me. I thought Tiger would have been Ninja like in his movements, remaining quiet as a mouse... Instead he shouted "HUNGRY LION STALKS GAZELLE." I am beginning to suspect that this is a compulsion instead of a choice. Fortunately, aside from shouting a few more times whenever he... Walked up some stairs and shit, Tiger did very well. He kept out of sight well when there was not a crowd to mingle with, and he was good and mingling with crowds despite his size. For this... He Passes this test. 

    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: At least he is not wearing a bag on his head. This does not change the fact that he looks like he walked off the set of The Matrix. He at least has the common sense to hide the revolvers. He DID however forget to hide his sword. He also failed to blend in with the crowd. He stayed in the open at all times, even when the target took notice that the CREEPY GUY WITH THE SWORD WAS FOLLOWING HER... Oh well. He has more subtlety than most of the Chosen these days. Most of them take the Scarecrow approach. Passing Score.

Dr. Menglina:
    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Failed
    Endurance Test- Failed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: I will flat out say it. I am PROUD of Dr. Menglina. She was not wearing Scientist gear, she had god knows how much make-up on, a low cut shirt exposing cleavage, dyed her HAIR a different color and was wearing dark colored clothing. Absolutely perfect. She stayed with crowds the whole way, minus one or two occasions where she starting laughing for no real reason, and stayed a medium distance from her target. She passed.

    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: KILL IT WITH FIRE. KILL ALL CLOWNS WITH THE PURIFYING FLAMES OF HELL. Pennywise here didn't do BAD I guess. At first anyway. He acted just like a "Good" Clown is supposed to. Handing out Balloon animals, doing stupid things, water squirting flower, Pies to the face... Thus the problem. He attracts WAY too much attention. The Target spent a few minutes just WATCHING him. As he was leaving, Gleeman gave him a parting gift: One of the aforementioned Pies. Only this one... Was a Cyanide Pie. (I am NEVER accepting anything he ever gives me. EVER.) Father can get... Irritated when someone steals his playthings away from him. Thus, while Gleeman makes a perfect assassin, he makes a poor stalker. Failing Score, but this proves that he is VERY useful for distractions.

Baron Samedi:
    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Would you trust a man wearing a snake around his neck with necklace of shrunken heads and a large top-hat with a skull emblem on it? Yes? What if he was wearing Skull Facepaint and had teeth the color of fucking BIG BIRD. STILL YES? What if he went around shirtless except for a holey black dress jacket, while carrying a Snake Headed Cane. With a Sword in it. Yes? Congratulations. You are probably the person who thought making this man a field agent was a good idea. An A for effort though. He TRIED to stay out of sight while stalking his target. He tried SO hard in fact, that HE LOST THE TARGET. Failed.

    Strength Test- Failed
    Speed Test- Failed
    Endurance Test- Failed (See Above)
    Agility Test- Failed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: He was unable to complete the test because of health related issues. Incidentally, when he gets back, I have a SPECIAL job for him that is bound to give him MORE health related issues.

Brown Recluse: 
    Strength Test- Passed
    Speed Test- Passed
    Endurance Test- Passed
    Agility Test- Passed
    Swimming Test- Passed
    Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Some people are just NOT subtle (See Above). They just naturally attention. Recluse is one of those people. Generally she draws the "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" kind of attention. GREAT for a distraction or a bodyguard. Horrible for stealth. We also picked a poor target for her. One of those easily angered businessman types. It took him about ten minutes to figure out he was being followed. He then CONFRONTED Recluse. Recluse stuffed him in a trash can. We then came by and set it on fire.
This leaves us with only the... Combat testing. Hehehehehehe. You know. To make sure they can beat the average jackass who watches too many Youtube videos (Which according to these statistics I just made up, is 99.7% of you Unworthy) in a fistfight if needed. Also, they need SIGNATURE WEAPONS. Every Good non-mook has a SIGNATURE WEAPON. Tensor, this is where you come in. Because you have actually had some manner of training, you will be the one making sure they can use a SIGNATURE WEAPON. I will handle the hand-to-hand crap and good old Angmar will assist me. After this, Tensor does one final test with the Ten. If they pass her test, they shall be formally added to my Team. What fun we shall have together.  

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Testing the Newbies: Part One

These Ten are meant to be in the same field as I am. Exterminating the Unworthy, unworthy that we have probably never met, and thus we know next to nothing about them. We cannot predict what they are going to do, we cannot say for certain how they think... And often times there are no Chosen nearby with knowledge to assist our efforts. This is a very difficult job and not many are cut out for it. That said, I have little hope that these idiots will be able make the cut. Thus I have devised a few tests for them. Also I am going to try VERY hard to remain professional during these descriptions. I am a Doctor after all.

Test I. The Ability to Kill

As you know, Killing is difficult for some (Some meaning Lily-Livered Spineless Cowards who think that life is precious or some such drivel). Seeing as how many people hesitate when called upon to pull the trigger, I have brought in Ten COMPLETELY random people to kill. Our Ten Trainees were all given guns. Here are the results.

Scarecrow: Mr. Laughton's assigned victim is a 53 year old man we found working in a soup kitchen (Maurice, so sorry if this was one of your friends). "The Master of Fear" spent a few seconds staring out of those idiotic holes in his bag at the Victim. Then he kicked the victim to the floor, and took a half glance at me. I would tell you what his expression was, but he is wearing a FUCKING BAG. WHY IS HE WEARING A FUCKING BAG IT LOOKS SO STUPID WHY IS HE WEARING IT... So he brings out the gun and gently caresses the old man's face with it. I told him to stop messing around, and he pulled the trigger. He did not seem particularly bothered after (Although he was not moving around so... Dramatically after that), so we assign him a Passing Score.

Terminator: Mr. Patrick's assigned victim was fellow Police Officer. It was a pain in the ass to kidnap him I might add. So imagine my annoyance when Garret simply shot him and went back to snorting Cocaine. At this point in time, I am forced to wonder why exactly Mr. Patrick wishes to serve Father. Garret showed no remorse, no hesitation and I doubt he even realized he shot a man. Sad what drugs do to you, eh? Passing Score.

Jack: Mr. Dolensky is obviously a killer. I wanted how far he would go. So I picked a 5 Year Old little girl. Golden Blonde hair in Pigtails. She was perfectly content in the little pink chair we got for her, snacking on a large piece of Candy. One of those big swirly sucker things I hate so much. Anyway, I understand that people have a hard time killing kids. Angmar actually blurted out "Dude she's just a kid!" when we brought her out. She looked up at Jack and smiled a big old smile. What did Jack do? He removed all the bullets from the gun, lovingly, one by one. Then he proceeded to club her over the head with it over and OVER and OVER again. He cracked that little twerp's head RIGHT OPEN. There was BLOOD and bits of skull laying around and he STILL wasn't finished. He broke that sucker and tried STABBING HER WITH IT. Needless to say, I am VERY pleased with this one. Passing Score.

Crouching Tiger: Mr. Ishikura was presented with an 89 year old woman. I held high hopes for Tiger after seeing Jack's glorious work. I was slightly disappointed. Without changing expressions, Tiger dropped the gun, walked behind the woman and screamed "CURIOUS OCTOPUS OPENS VALVE" before snapping the Hag's neck. I confess I have never seen that done outside of movies. Interesting sound, but it is too quick, for my tastes. Tiger then did the whole "Shut the eyes of the deceased" thing while muttering a... Prayer or something. Waste of time. Passing Score. Boring.

Darkhorse: Mr. Wesker was presented with one "Chris Grayson," a random hobo we found on the street who claims he could shatter boulders with his "fists of JUSTICE." Clearly this man must have been one of the candidates for Proxyhood. Anyway, true to douchebagish form, Slade is a show-off.  First he delivered an uppercut to Grayson, and then using the Katana he cut off the Hobo's head. He Promptly kicked it in the air and blew holes in it with the Revolvers. Both of them. At the same time. How many years has this man wasted learning this skill?  Does not matter I suppose. Passing Score.

Dr. Menglina: Dr. Ingle was presented with a 25 year old male we found wandering a College Campus. Drunk of course.  Dr. Ingle was lisenced medical professional. This gives her the added bonus of knowing how to kill a person in a very efficient manner. Right? Well she sure did not show it. She just sawed the bastard's head off. She actually stopped midway through to have a giggle fit. I suppose I am just being critical for the sake of being critical at this point. Because while I LOVED this performance, it shows a critical weakness of hers. She had to stop what she was doing to have a GIGGLE FIT. Maybe that's why she is not allowed to practice medicine. She was performing surgery on someone and then had a fucking giggle fit in the middle of it. Passing Score.

Gleeman: What drives a man to become the psychotic, horrific, malevolent, godless, demonic spawn of Satan known as a Clown? And what drives a Clown to murder in the name of God? Were I to guess, I would say... Children. So we brought in a skinny little orphan brat. Gleeman took one look at him and started laughing his unholy ass off. Did I mention he uses helium? AND DID I MENTION I HATE CLOWNS... Anyway. He tossed away our gun, and pulled out two revolvers. He started juggling them in front of the kid. The kid was squirming around and crying so I assume he has prior experience with people wielding guns. The Juggling went on for about... Oh... Three minutes. He never dropped the guns. Not once. Impressive. And Terrifying. So he finally stopped and pointed the gun at the kid. He pulled the trigger.... And a "BANG!" Flag came out. Gleeman started waving that flag around while laughing, and the Kid was sort of laughing along with him. Just as I was going to get the nerve to tell the Freak to shoot the kid, he pointed the Gun at the Kid and the FUCKING FLAG SHOT OUT INTO THE KID'S CHEST. The Kid fell over and the clown bent down and got right in his face, LAUGHING. Passing Score. And I need to change my pants now.

Baron Samedi: Mr. Lincoln was next, and I was not expecting much. He seemed more stable than most of the others so I expected a quick clean kill. Imagine my surprise when a GODDAMN SNAKE CRAWLED OUT OF HIS SLEEVE. Is it poisonous? I have no idea. The Victim is a 20 year old male we found wandering the streets. The Baron let his pet snake crawl over the victim for a minute or two.  (A Side note, I think Scarecrow is taking notes here. Master of Fear my ass.) So, Sammy pulled out a big ass knife and started stabbing the guy lightly chanting some bullshit in a language I do not understand. Passing Score. Snakes are awesome.

Angmar: Mr... "Raogrimm" HAHAHAHA... Sorry. Barash... No that is stupid too. How about... Barry. Yes... So, it was finally Barry's turn and we had something special for him. We scoured the city for about an hour before we found a 5'3 Man who we promptly dressed like Frodo Baggins.  We also spent some time making that Replica Sword of his into a REAL Sword. That can KILL people. As expected, Barry gave us some trouble. "Uh... So who is this guy?" Seriously. He asked who our random victim was. We sure as hell didn't know.  He walked up to the victim. OH. And the Victim, he noticed all the bloodstains on the ground... He was SHAKING like a leaf. It was so adorable. Crying and everything. So, Barry approached him, sword in hand. "Uh... Frodo, right? Shouldn't we... You know. Remove the mithril shirt?" CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY? HAHAHAHAHA. Stalling. Just to humor him, we took off the guy's shirt. Barry started visably sweating and going "I dunno man, I dunno man"... Then Jack yelled "DON'T BE A PUSSY!" at him. I love Jack so much sometimes. Malacoda starting banging on the table he was at chanting "KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!" and the rest of us (minus Darkhorse, Tiger and Terminator) joined in. Barry started breathing heavily, raised his sword above his head, gave a yell... And was met with screams of joy and shouts of congratulations at the Hobbit head rolled to the ground. For someone so fat, he is remarkably strong. Passing Score. (Also noticed Tiger put a hand on his shoulder when he rejoined the group. Such a nice guy. I am keeping this in mind for the next test.)

Brown Recluse:  RAGH. LADY-HULK SMASH! Which is exactly what happened. Ms. Campos was given a 24 year old man to kill. Without saying a word, she picked up the man, and the chair he was tied to and started smashing them into the ground. Over and over and over again. Then she started smacking him into the walls. Needless to say, he died. She then flexed and walked back to the others. This warehouse is being... Borrowed. It was white when we got here... Now it is Red. She is cleaning this mess up. All of it. Still, she got the job done so... Passing Score.

And that concludes Test 1. I am very proud of our new recruits. They are complete psychopaths. Tomorrow we shall see if they can pass the physical challenges I have for them. Then they shall have to pass the Combat Challenges... Then Tensor gets them. And I get the survivors. Oh What fun we shall have. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Where do we find these people?

Seriously. I thought I would have to get creative in coming up with names for these weirdos. Turns out my work has already been done for me. I got Ten Agents. Now I have only one question. Where did we find these people. Because I am going to burn that place to the ground. Tensor. Redlight. Valtiel. Which of you is responsible for this... These people so much wrong with them I just... God. JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN, WHY DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST? Not EVERY Chosen has to be an escaped MENTAL Patient...
Well. Here they are...
Name: Jonathan Laughton
Chosen Name: Scarecrow
This guy is just sad. He walked into the Warehouse with a large brown BAG on his head with eye-holes and a big stupid GRIN drawn on. After I recovered from nearly passing out from laughter, I asked him the obvious question: "Are you made of Straw?" He said "No. I AM THE MASTER OF FEAR! (I would say Rip-off, but... Well you'll see) TERROR INCARNATE!" He said this in the most dramatic way possible while gesturing wildly. For this, I applaud him. My Overacting skills PALE in comparison to a Ham this Large. What is his weapon of choice you might ask? Well. In his own words: "I NEED NO WEAPON BUT THE SHARPNESS OF MY MIND. I... AM A GAWD OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. THE GREAT LORD OF THE WOODS WILL BENEFIT IMMENSELY FROM MY SKILLS!" He said with a flourish of the cape I just noticed, while screaming at the top of his lungs.
Shockingly enough, this guy is not the weirdest of the group.
Name: Garret Patrick
Chosen Name: The Terminator
This guy is not as bad as Bagman was. He seemed fairly normal when he walked in. But we do not seem to get a lot of normal people do we. Garret apparently WAS a police officer. A Highly corrupt one at that. He was kicked off the Police force for possession of Cocaine and... Well that is his major flaw. The man seems to snort so much Cocaine that even SLICE (May Father watch over his soul) would likely find it to be absurd. The man cannot keep still, and keeps reaching into a little baggy for more...  So he told me his Chosen name was "Terminator." Policeman. Terminator. T-1000. Ha. Ha. Ha. Unoriginal, but at least he has training.  The Cocaine will also help him forget when he gets shot. Maybe we can get him to go Tony Montana on some Unworthy.
I would have prefered a big Austrian guy though.
Name: John Dolensky
Chosen Name: Jack the Ripper
I am not a subtle person. Everyone knows it. CANADA sure knows it. But I do not go around shanking random people on the streets in broad daylight. Thus I was not pleased to see Jack had brought a body with him with no less than 12 Operator Symbols cut into it. Oh well. At least the guy knows how to kill. The Problem is, the person he killed was BLIND. As only a BLIND person could be caught off guard by a man wearing a top-hat, opera cape, fluffy victorian era coat and a GOLD HALF-MASK WITH A MONOCLE. This idiot even talked with a horrible mock British accent. So, I asked him first what his body count was. He said... I think... "Hark I hast butchered yond three of these poor sods. Dost thou haveth yond place to store hither body?"
Why does this man exist? Why?
Name: Johnson Ishikura
Chosen Name: Crouching Tiger
An Asian Kung-Fu guy. Surely this guy must fairly stable right? He looks pretty badass. Fu Machu mustache, spiked up hair, 6'5 Height. Face is even fixed in a perma-glare. How could that NOT be an excellent addition to the team? We asked him to show us some Kung-Fu moves. Crouching Tiger, is not only his Chosen name, but the name of his favorite attack. WHICH HE SCREAMS VERY LOUDLY AS HE IS PERFORMING IT. He has a bad case of Dragon Ball Z Syndrome. He calls EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Of his actions. CROUCHING TIGER STRIKE, IRON MONKEY FIST, STRIKING COBRA STRIKE, GOLDEN JAGUAR KICK, SWEEPING PANTHER STRIKE, ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT, HORNY DOG HUMPS AIR... Yeah I made that last one up, but the rest he actually did/said.
He is going to get real annoying, real quick.
Name: Slade Wesker
Chosen Name: Darkhorse
This guy pissed me off the moment I saw him. Sunglasses, a black leather trenchcoat, black cowboy hat with little silver dangly things, openly carried revolvers and a KATANA. This man is a douchebag. According to him, he is serving Father because of some shit about wanting to kill his little brother. I do not CARE. His voice pissed me off too. Talked like he was trying to seduce me or something. He immediately went to a dark corner of the warehouse to brood or something.
Name: Elizabeth Ingle
Chosen Name: Dr. Menglina
Well Great. Two Days after I become a Doctor and we get ANOTHER Doctor. Granted this one did not STEAL her degree, but the issue stands. When she walked into the Warehouse I came to the realization that we had become Comic Book Villains. And here was perhaps the most generic Mad Scientist Archetype you could possibly imagine. Lab Coat, Rubber Gloves, Stethoscope, Goggles, messed up hair, bipolar with a tendency to laugh at random intervals, carrying syringes filled with FATHER knows what and a GODDAMN HACKSAW.  At this point, I gave up on the questions and just beckoned for her to stand with the others so I could take this horrific scene in.
Name: Casey McMullen
Chosen Name: Gleeman
I fucking hate clowns I FUCKING HATE CLOWNS I FUCKING HATE CLOWNS. With their painted on faces, creepy ass unnatural laughs and smiles... And now we have the spawn of Pennywise and GACY on our side. Freak of nature. All sorts of weird ass Clown tricks too. Shooting fire out of his ass and shit. Some seeming skill with throwing daggers. AND A GODDAMN CHAINSAW...
I am getting this bastard killed. Somehow. Maybe he will take a target with him.
Name : Tyrone Lincoln
Chosen Name: Baron Samedi
This guy actually made me remember something. That guy we used the Zombie Powder on in Jersey... Well we forgot to unbury him. Oops. I'm sure he is fine. But the good Baron is dressed like a cross between Dr. Facilier, and Jack Skellington. Claims to know all sorts of Voodoo stuff. At least he is not a clown. He does have a prior criminal record in the state we are in. Attempted Murder. Aside from the fact he looks about as trustworthy as Skeletor... He is not all THAT bad.
Name: Barash Raogrimm (I am DEAD Serious. Legally Changed in 2007... What the Fuck...)
Chosen Name: Angmar
We have a nerd dressed as a Ringwraith. A Fat bearded nerd. How is this man supposed to be helpful to Father's cause? He is a whiner, I can tell that just by looking at him. Does not know how to use that VERY DULL sword of his. If it was not for the fact he did not show too much surprise at seeing a dead body in here, I would think he is just a lost Roleplayer. But no. He legitamately wants to kill for Father. 
This is going to be a long week...
Name: Isabela Campos
Chosen Name: Brown Recluse
I am probably going to be referring to this woman as "Roid Rage" from now on. She is almost as giant as Crouching Tiger. Based on what little information I have, she was a disgraced Lucha Libre wrestler. Fresh from the insane asylum no doubt... She walked in here in full wrestler get-up with her own weird ass mask. Oh well. At least she seems competent at crushing things. More than can be said for the Bitch-King of Angmar over there.
So there you have it. Ten new suicidal lemmings to throw at the Unworthy. Sagey, lets make a deal. You come here and do your Satanic demon summoning shit to kill a few of these wackos, and I will not go burn Forgemaster's house down again like I planned to. Deal?