Seriously. I thought I would have to get creative in coming up with names for these weirdos. Turns out my work has already been done for me. I got Ten Agents. Now I have only one question. Where did we find these people. Because I am going to burn that place to the ground. Tensor. Redlight. Valtiel. Which of you is responsible for this... These people so much wrong with them I just... God. JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN, WHY DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST? Not EVERY Chosen has to be an escaped MENTAL Patient...
Well. Here they are...
Name: Jonathan Laughton
Chosen Name: Scarecrow
This guy is just sad. He walked into the Warehouse with a large brown BAG on his head with eye-holes and a big stupid GRIN drawn on. After I recovered from nearly passing out from laughter, I asked him the obvious question: "Are you made of Straw?" He said "No. I AM THE MASTER OF FEAR! (I would say Rip-off, but... Well you'll see) TERROR INCARNATE!" He said this in the most dramatic way possible while gesturing wildly. For this, I applaud him. My Overacting skills PALE in comparison to a Ham this Large. What is his weapon of choice you might ask? Well. In his own words: "I NEED NO WEAPON BUT THE SHARPNESS OF MY MIND. I... AM A GAWD OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. THE GREAT LORD OF THE WOODS WILL BENEFIT IMMENSELY FROM MY SKILLS!" He said with a flourish of the cape I just noticed, while screaming at the top of his lungs.
Shockingly enough, this guy is not the weirdest of the group.
Name: Garret Patrick
Chosen Name: The Terminator
This guy is not as bad as Bagman was. He seemed fairly normal when he walked in. But we do not seem to get a lot of normal people do we. Garret apparently WAS a police officer. A Highly corrupt one at that. He was kicked off the Police force for possession of Cocaine and... Well that is his major flaw. The man seems to snort so much Cocaine that even SLICE (May Father watch over his soul) would likely find it to be absurd. The man cannot keep still, and keeps reaching into a little baggy for more... So he told me his Chosen name was "Terminator." Policeman. Terminator. T-1000. Ha. Ha. Ha. Unoriginal, but at least he has training. The Cocaine will also help him forget when he gets shot. Maybe we can get him to go Tony Montana on some Unworthy.
I would have prefered a big Austrian guy though.
Name: John Dolensky
Chosen Name: Jack the Ripper
I am not a subtle person. Everyone knows it. CANADA sure knows it. But I do not go around shanking random people on the streets in broad daylight. Thus I was not pleased to see Jack had brought a body with him with no less than 12 Operator Symbols cut into it. Oh well. At least the guy knows how to kill. The Problem is, the person he killed was BLIND. As only a BLIND person could be caught off guard by a man wearing a top-hat, opera cape, fluffy victorian era coat and a GOLD HALF-MASK WITH A MONOCLE. This idiot even talked with a horrible mock British accent. So, I asked him first what his body count was. He said... I think... "Hark I hast butchered yond three of these poor sods. Dost thou haveth yond place to store hither body?"
Why does this man exist? Why?
Name: Johnson Ishikura
Chosen Name: Crouching Tiger
An Asian Kung-Fu guy. Surely this guy must fairly stable right? He looks pretty badass. Fu Machu mustache, spiked up hair, 6'5 Height. Face is even fixed in a perma-glare. How could that NOT be an excellent addition to the team? We asked him to show us some Kung-Fu moves. Crouching Tiger, is not only his Chosen name, but the name of his favorite attack. WHICH HE SCREAMS VERY LOUDLY AS HE IS PERFORMING IT. He has a bad case of Dragon Ball Z Syndrome. He calls EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Of his actions. CROUCHING TIGER STRIKE, IRON MONKEY FIST, STRIKING COBRA STRIKE, GOLDEN JAGUAR KICK, SWEEPING PANTHER STRIKE, ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT, HORNY DOG HUMPS AIR... Yeah I made that last one up, but the rest he actually did/said.
He is going to get real annoying, real quick.
Name: Slade Wesker
Chosen Name: Darkhorse
This guy pissed me off the moment I saw him. Sunglasses, a black leather trenchcoat, black cowboy hat with little silver dangly things, openly carried revolvers and a KATANA. This man is a douchebag. According to him, he is serving Father because of some shit about wanting to kill his little brother. I do not CARE. His voice pissed me off too. Talked like he was trying to seduce me or something. He immediately went to a dark corner of the warehouse to brood or something.
Name: Elizabeth Ingle
Chosen Name: Dr. Menglina
Well Great. Two Days after I become a Doctor and we get ANOTHER Doctor. Granted this one did not STEAL her degree, but the issue stands. When she walked into the Warehouse I came to the realization that we had become Comic Book Villains. And here was perhaps the most generic Mad Scientist Archetype you could possibly imagine. Lab Coat, Rubber Gloves, Stethoscope, Goggles, messed up hair, bipolar with a tendency to laugh at random intervals, carrying syringes filled with FATHER knows what and a GODDAMN HACKSAW. At this point, I gave up on the questions and just beckoned for her to stand with the others so I could take this horrific scene in.
Name: Casey McMullen
Chosen Name: Gleeman
I fucking hate clowns I FUCKING HATE CLOWNS I FUCKING HATE CLOWNS. With their painted on faces, creepy ass unnatural laughs and smiles... And now we have the spawn of Pennywise and GACY on our side. Freak of nature. All sorts of weird ass Clown tricks too. Shooting fire out of his ass and shit. Some seeming skill with throwing daggers. AND A GODDAMN CHAINSAW...
I am getting this bastard killed. Somehow. Maybe he will take a target with him.
Name : Tyrone Lincoln
Chosen Name: Baron Samedi
This guy actually made me remember something. That guy we used the Zombie Powder on in Jersey... Well we forgot to unbury him. Oops. I'm sure he is fine. But the good Baron is dressed like a cross between Dr. Facilier, and Jack Skellington. Claims to know all sorts of Voodoo stuff. At least he is not a clown. He does have a prior criminal record in the state we are in. Attempted Murder. Aside from the fact he looks about as trustworthy as Skeletor... He is not all THAT bad.
Name: Barash Raogrimm (I am DEAD Serious. Legally Changed in 2007... What the Fuck...)
Chosen Name: Angmar
We have a nerd dressed as a Ringwraith. A Fat bearded nerd. How is this man supposed to be helpful to Father's cause? He is a whiner, I can tell that just by looking at him. Does not know how to use that VERY DULL sword of his. If it was not for the fact he did not show too much surprise at seeing a dead body in here, I would think he is just a lost Roleplayer. But no. He legitamately wants to kill for Father.
This is going to be a long week...
Name: Isabela Campos
Chosen Name: Brown Recluse
I am probably going to be referring to this woman as "Roid Rage" from now on. She is almost as giant as Crouching Tiger. Based on what little information I have, she was a disgraced Lucha Libre wrestler. Fresh from the insane asylum no doubt... She walked in here in full wrestler get-up with her own weird ass mask. Oh well. At least she seems competent at crushing things. More than can be said for the Bitch-King of Angmar over there.
So there you have it. Ten new suicidal lemmings to throw at the Unworthy. Sagey, lets make a deal. You come here and do your Satanic demon summoning shit to kill a few of these wackos, and I will not go burn Forgemaster's house down again like I planned to. Deal?