So we broke into this guy's house and he had a D.S.W. Degree thingy. So we took it, applied a little white-out, and BAM. I am a DOCTOR now. Now all that is left is for me to get a nice fancy mask of sorts and an ominous cape, and my LIFE'S GOAL will be complete.
In other news, I am being conscripted to test a few new recruits out. Make sure they can handle an important job like this. Obviously I will also have to assign them new NAMES like mine. DOCTOR Morningstar. Ooooh I love it I love it I love it. Doctor Morningstar, Doctor Morningstar, DOCTOR MORNINGSTAR HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh... A shame the new blood will never be able to have a Name as awesome as mine. And they will probably not survive the training. HEY. As a favor from me to you, how about I tell you what kind of training we go through these days? Wouldn't that be nice of me? So what do you say, want me to tell you?
Revised to-do list.
1. Serve Father.
2.
3. Harass the Sages.
4. Recruit more Children to our Cause.
5. Send said children on suicide missions against Unworthy who do not kill children.
6.
7.
7.5
8. Practice Laugh.
9.
10. Throw Water Balloons at a certain Hospital.
11. Gut that amateur Arkady. AFTER he buys me that Bicycle he promised.
12. Learn to play Piano.
13. Thirteen is unlucky.
14. Have a Wizard's Duel with Sagey. I cast bullet lvl .45
15. Steal candy from a baby. Shoot said baby out of a catapult at the aforementioned Hospital. (We have the Baby and the Catapult now)
16. Kill whatever is causing these weird ass dreams. The most recent one had me killed TWICE. And also Vandalizing Maduin's mask, GOD that was funny.
17. Shoot Thage. Drag corpse around a city three times while on a Horse.
18. MURDER GUT TORTURE CUT BUTCHER KILL KILL KILL THAT BITCH.
19. Initiate Project Quackerjack
20. Train Recruits
21. Compare Body Count to famous Serial Killers to see where I stand.
Sure, sure, tell us.
ReplyDeleteYou sure you're not more of a nurse than a doctor?
A dream where you died twice? My kind of dream, fuckwit.
ReplyDeleteI'd settle for you dying once in reality...
ReplyDeleteWhat? You don't want to shoot down a helicopter any more? I suppose it doesn't have enough children to murder... Also. Piano? Maybe next post, it'll be the saw! Now that is an instrument for an evil doctor!
ReplyDeleteOh and go die in a hole please. I'd like that. :)
-Joel
@Killjay: I am a DOCTOR now. MY DSW Says so.
ReplyDelete@Elaine: Your kind of dream? It should be, you were in it. Creeped out yet? Me too.
@Hawk: Not Gonna Happen.
@Joel: It was always Piano, what are you talking about?
Was I flipping your killdozer with an angel? Because then it would be FANTASTIC.
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, you still need 4 years in evil medical school.
... How did you... ARE YOU CAUSING THESE DREAMS? YOU CREEP GET OUT OF MY HEAD. FREAKISH mind RAPIST... I feel violated :(
ReplyDelete... I was EXPELLED from evil medical school. They said I was too unstable. BUT I WILL SHOW THEM. I WILL SHOW THEM ALL THE TRUE GENIUS OF DOCTOR MORNINGSTAR!!!
I was in it? And... Fuck. I... Shit.
ReplyDeleteNext time, don't kill the baby.
Morningstar. I see you. I know you. Be afraid.
ReplyDelete@Elaine: WHAT? HE GOT YOU TOO? SAGEY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME???
ReplyDelete@Sagey: NOT FOR LONG. I AM GOING TO GO PLUCK OUT YOUR EYES, SO YOU WILL NEVER SEE ANYTHING AGAIN. Then transplant them into a blind person. I am a Doctor you know.
You are the doctor?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I80pc9jZ_t8
Hey, what's my prescription doc?
ReplyDeleteI am not that kind of Doctor.
ReplyDeleteOf course you aren't.....
ReplyDeleteBut still, what does your so called father want with me now?