Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Glorious Return

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I! HAVE RETURNED!
Finally I am out of Lumberjack Land! I could kiss the ground. In fact I have. I have already celebrated my return by drowning a bag of puppies, and sneaking into a nursing home, then turning off some old people's oxygen. HeheheheheHAHAHAHAHA. I even lit one fire and pushed his wheel chair down some stairs. HA. It is good to be back. But where to now? I have received no more orders. Maybe I should finally get around to making that To-Do list... Ok Here goes.
1. Serve Father.
2. Set an Orphanage on Fire.
3. Harass the Sages.
4. Recruit more Children to our Cause.
5. Send said children on suicide missions against Unworthy who do not kill children.
6. Find a replacement for Killer. Any Volunteers? Found One.
7. Flag Youtube Videos.
7.5 Keep Team 4-Star and Little Kuriboh off of Youtube.
8. Practice Laugh.
9. ???
10. Throw Water Balloons at a certain Hospital.
11. Gut that amateur Arkady.
12. Learn to play Spanish Guitar.
13. Thirteen is unlucky.
14. Have a Wizard's Duel with Sagey. I cast bullet lvl .45.
15. Steal candy from a baby. Shoot said baby out of a catapult at the aforementioned Hospital.
16. Shoot down a certain Helicopter. I don't care if it was a dream or not.
17. Shoot Thage. Drag corpse around a city three times while on a Horse.
18. MURDER GUT TORTURE CUT BUTCHER KILL KILL KILL THAT BITCH.
Regrettably. All of this must be done without my precious Slendermobile. It was confiscated by the higher ups to be mass produced or something. For important missions. BUT THE ORIGINAL IS BEST. We even gave it a beautiful periwinkle blue paint job. Complete with Operator Symbols to look badass. Probably some blood stains though. But hey, Red/Brown and Periwinkle match. Right?

26 comments:

  1. 01000110010011110101001001101101011001110110100001101001011100110111100101000111010010010101011001101001011110010110010101000101000011010000101001010101010100110101010101010011010101010101001101010101010100110101010101010011010101010101001101010101010100110101010101010011010101010101001101010101010100110101010101010011010101010101001101010101010100110101010101010011

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  2. you just HAD to use periwinkle, didn't you.

    i bet it got ALL OVER.


    and what, pray tell, did you do wrong? y'know, from your perspective.

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  3. Periwinkle is a nice color. Very Pretty. But I did not do the painting, the Canadian morons did. They seemed to enjoy getting it all over them... And drinking it too. Sick fucks. I hope it poisons them.
    Not sure what you mean by "did wrong." If you mean "Why did they take the Slendermobile away" it is because I have no real need for it anymore. They'll send it to someone who is storming a castle or something.

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  4. Morningstar, Hesperus is back. Would you like me to notify father for further treatment?

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  5. WHAT? No. No. No no no. I will take care of it myself.

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  6. heh. heheheh. heheheheheAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  7. i have one Father, thank you very much

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  8. Dont worry hurt soul, for your repentance you shall be forgived.

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  9. Well if you say you can Handle it then fine. However if I continue to see outbursts you'll Have removed the decision from my Hands.


    I wouldn't want to see you come to any Harm.

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  10. Wasn't it Scott himself who said that being "dead" can have many meanings?

    ...fuck.

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  11. Aw, you put me on your list! I didn't think you cared!

    Don't worry, soon as we get out of this place, I'll make a special visit just for you.

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  12. You would catapult a little child at a building?

    I'm beginning to dislike you.

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  13. Hesperus. It's like no matter how many times you seem to stomp on him he comes back like a cockroach.

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  14. @Arky: Of course I care Arky. You beat that asshole Javert. I hated that guy. So I guess I owe you. A quick death that is.
    @Trinity: Beginning to? Oh Goodness gracious me. Looks like I need to try harder.
    @Tumble: Quite. It's ok though, he will go away in time.

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  15. Like a report card full of Fs?

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  16. Oh shit he's back. Complete with a list of horrid things to do to humanity.

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  17. You think I'm a replacement for Scott? I'm flattered. But don't expect me to be quite as skittish as he was.
    I'm not going anywhere.

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  18. @Black Hawk: They are not HORRID. They are hilarious. And in number 11 and 17's cases, actually beneficial to humanity.
    @Lainey: You are going to replace him as far as my affectionate banter is concerned. But I am so glad you are sticking around. What fun we shall have together. :)

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  19. I'm sure we will, Cockrobin.

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  20. Morningstar's got a point about number 11. Ripping out my spine may cause a net decrease in the amount of pain and suffering in the world.

    Not so sure about 17. Thage actually has the "greater good" excuse behind her actions, instead of doing it for fun like me.

    Though I'm curious about the order of things. Are you going to be following the list exactly? Throwing water balloons at the hospital, then leaving to kill me, learn guitar, steal candy, and then come back later to throw the babies at the same hospital? Or were you planning ot mix things up a little?

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  21. "Keep Team 4-Star and Little Kuriboh off of Youtube."

    Entertaining as I find you, I think I may have to hate you for this.

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  22. It's funny, I keep bouncing between amused, horrified and angry. As of right now, I'm angry. Seriously angry. I mean, sure, Elaine can handle herself in a flame war. But basically, all of them are "kill x, put body through meat grinder, feed it to schoolchildren."

    -Joel

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  23. @Arky: I am going to try to do them in order. Try. But I will not let an opportunity pass.
    @Omega: That is the point. You are supposed to hate me.
    @Joel: Well. People are complaining about the diets of children here in America. Maybe this will help.

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  24. Very nice list. I would consider doing some of those things myself. Also welcome back to the states..

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  25. And what plans do you have for me, Morning?

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