Friday, August 26, 2011

Well That Was Amusing

The Runner Party has been destroyed. The names of the victims are Penny, Damon and Brandon. The fourth one escaped. Jessie was her name I think. Doesn't matter really. We had such fun. So. Operation Gardener. We managed to get this Big Hedge Maze, see.... And we kidnapped the Runners. Put them deep in the Maze. Then I took a nap and waited for them to finally WAKE UP.
So once the sleeping beauties woke from their nap... The Game Began. We had Recluse guarding the Maze's exit. All the others were wandering the Maze in the dead of night... Which explains why Gleeman (Who would not shut the fuck up, and had a Chainsaw that was on FIRE) was so easily avoided. It also explains why Darkhorse was useless. He refused to take off his sunglasses and thus could not SHOOT STRAIGHT.
But aside from those problems... Jack proved useful. He managed to capture Penny and brought her back to the... Command area. We hoped the others would to rescue her... But I think they got lost. Or Gleeman scared them off. So Jack skinned Penny alive. It was rather gruesome.
Tiger was the next to find them. They were trying to be sneaky. Samedi was helping Darkhorse out of the Maze, and the Trio was following them. Isn't that cute? They were trying to CHEAT. Tiger took out... Brandon I think it was. He snuck up on them and Grabbed Brandon from behind. The Others did not realize until Tiger came back for more. So they took off running... And by some stroke of luck, they made it to the exit.
Damon was a brave man. Now a brave bloody smear on the ground. He attacked Recluse at the Gate. Managed to hold her off until Jessie escaped. Before Recluse went Zangief on his ass. Poor, poor Jessie. All Alone now. I even waved goodbye to her. Ah... Father will get her. Or another member of the family. She isn't my problem anymore. By the way. Brandon. Tasted WONDERFUL.
Now that this fun is over, I have business in New Jersey. My Newest Plan. My GREATEST... Plan. You see ladies and gentlemen... I made a new friend.
Addendum: Guys. I just saw Jessie's Comment. SHE HAS A BLOG. WOO HOO! I JUST FUCKED UP ANOTHER BLOGGER. HELL YES.
1. Serve Father.
2. Track Large Runner Party and Initiate Operation Gardener.
3. Find Elaine Again. For some FUN.
4. Kill Haku-Chan's Guard Dog.
5. Burn Down Forgemaster's house. Again.
6. Return to North Carolina to Pay Respects... Don't Ask.
7. Replace Dead Minions. (Will Probably look to the nearest Circus/Asylum for Potential Recruits)
8. Send the After Action Reports I keep forgetting about to the appropriate Family members.
9. Demand a Pay Raise from Superiors.
9.5 When pay raise is rejected, egg their houses and blame it on... Rhodes. I dislike him. Don't know why.
10. Meet With Andromeda in Tennessee. IF there is time. No Promises.
11. Come up with a Title to replace "Doctor." I am thinking "Lord Morningstar. Sir Morningstar. Captain Morningstar. Darth Morningstar... Opinions? Suggestions? 
12. Murder Ronald McDonald.
13. Initiate Operation Mother's Love.


  1. You monster.
    Penny... Brandon... Oh god...

  2. Of course it's me, you bastard. I had to know... and now I wish I didn't.

  3. Your buddy Brandon made a good stew. Tomorrow I'm thinking Penny. Have fun running alone Jess.

  4. Again, Darth. I just got through writing that damn post about you, it should be posted soon once I rewrite it.

  5. Wonderful. I look forward to reading it. Might be interesting to see what assumptions you make about me.

  6. I sat down and wrote that post after reading your blog in one sitting. This took several hours, and by the end of it I was exhausted and frustrated as all hell. I'm going in and cleaning up the post (by alot), adding some links, and generally trying to make it look nicer.

  7. This sounds absolutely divine. My mouth was watering when I read about Brandon stew.
    You simply must send me an invitation the next time you decide to hold such a meal. I am so very hungry.

  8. we should meet fellow LISTENer

  9. I like thees Morningstar fellow, he ees so seelie!

    Excellent work, bro, excellent. Would that I were able to think up such crazy schemes to use on people. Damn, I need to do something..

    Stay frosty, homie.

  10. A hedge maze? Kubrick would be proud

    Frankly, I'm impressed that Gleeman was not only able to wield a flaming chainsaw, but avoid burning the place down

  11. @Grendel: I DO have some leftover Penny Sandwiches.
    @Surge: Um. Why?
    @Ridley: You'll come up with something.
    @Knitty: In retrospect the Flaming Chainsaw, while awesome, was not particularly practical.

  12. Hello Morningstar.

    Lord Sir Captain Darth Morningstar? No, combining those names doesn't look well. I personally like Captain. And you should have your own magical ship. A pirate ship that is.

    A chainsaw on FIRE. You don't say.

  13. father commands we must need require a MEETING to unite what is HIS against their WORLD

  14. @Kobalos: At this point I am feeling "Commodore Morningstar" at this point.
    @Surge: Yeah. Um. Might have to take a rain check on that Surgey. I kind of have a diabolical scheme to destroy one of the new Sages utterly. Real important. You know how it is.

  15. Ooh, Commodore Morningstar. That is nice. Are you going to get a tricorne hate with a feather in it to match the title?

  16. Seconding the notion that "Commodore Morningstar" would call for such a hat and feather. And a large feather at that.

    Your cartoon-y schemes are bloody brilliant, honestly.

  17. ....I don't think it's funny...Nope not even laughing a little bit.

    Now, in your older posts where you flip out like a five year old girl. Hilarious.