Friday, July 22, 2011

Wedding Disaster

MY DISGUISE WAS PERFECT. How did they see through it... A hat, sunglasses, bellhop uniform (With a NAME TAG) and I spoke with a German Accent. AND USED GERMAN WORDS, hell, EVEN MY BELLHOP NAME WAS GERMAN (Johann Schmidt). My preparations were FLAWLESS. The Food was poisoned out of sight of EVERYONE except that damn cook (Of course, I made sure he kept quiet. Forever more.). The explosives under the chairs were hidden as carefully as possible. My minions were laying in wait in case things went wrong... I EVEN HAD A PARACHUTE IN CASE I HAD TO JUMP OUT A WINDOW.
Yet somehow... EVERYONE... EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN LAST ONE OF THOSE BASTARDS SAW THROUGH ME. I was not ACTING suspicious. So HOW DID YOU DO IT... Are... Are you unworthy Psychic now? I mean Sagey might be... But the rest of you?
For those who did NOT attend the wedding, some explanation may be in order. For most of that, go check Lainey's blog. Her insufferable roommate and his boyfriend got married. So I of course decided to crash the wedding. Nee-chan was there as well, presumably for the same reasons I was. And she brought friends. Long story short, my plain failed miserably. Only ONE person ate the poison, and because everyone was too busy trying to help the sick person, my bombs did NOTHING. Killing NO ONE.. Worse. I got trapped in an Elevator with Sagey. I am not a Kung-Fu Wizard like he is, so I was rather outmatched until Tiger and Recluse saved me when the elevator opened.
SPEAKING of Recluse. She will not SHUT UP about Sage. She tackled him when the door opened, and I swear to GOD, since that moment she has not stopped fangasming over... And I quote... "Feeling his strong beautiful body..." and then going off on a tangent (That I shall never repeat) about things she would have liked to do to him if they had more time. It was rather disturbing honestly.
Anyway. Nee-chan seemed to be outmatched upstairs, so Darkhorse and Gleeman managed to get her out alive by providing cover fire and then dragging her out of the ROOM FULL OF MARINES... Nee. Sweetie. You know I love you and all, but... That was an idiotic move. They had guns, you had a knife. Listen to the Master on this one... You should have ambushed stragglers in the fight outside and silently killed them with the knife.
The Good news is, we all managed to escape alive and relatively unharmed. That Konaa jackass has made it on my list for hurting Nee-chan. But that will be for later. God DAMN I need a vacation... Or at least a rest. No attacking bloggers for a little while. I have other targets after all. Easier targets. Who will not fight back as much. That I can use more creative methods to kill. I have not forgotten about Operation Quackerjack. Hehehehehehe.
This was nothing but a minor setback. It changes NOTHING.


  1. Looks like you and your plans were....

    *puts on sunglasses*

    Tolled by the church bells?

    I'll shut up.

    But seriously, go die in a hole.

  2. Aww. I'm sorry Twinkletoes. If it makes you feel better, I didn't see through your ruse. I just thought you'd been told to put on that stupid accent by someone.

    Either way, at least now I know what you look like.

    Thanks Starry. <3


  3. Oh Joel. That just proves my theory that you are among the DUMBEST of the Unworthy. Even that complete moron SAGE saw through my disguise. Even KONAA. As for knowing what I look like... Does it really matter if you recognize the guy with a knife at your throat? You are dead either way.

  4. Y'know I almost feel bad for you. It's no fun to have an operation blow up in your face, is it? Regardless, the German accent, though really unconvincing, was completely adorable. You should use it more often, you murderous psychopathic sweetheart.

    And cheer up! I'm pretty sure this streak WILL last forever, but you shouldn't have to suffer in depressed agony for much longer, right? Considering you've now got a lot of pissed off people with a price on your head.

    Who knows? Maybe I'll get to deliver you one day in pieces.

    Enjoy the vacation, Star~! I sure know that we will. Wait, we probably won't even notice your gone, in light of your recent talent of not being able to do anything right. :3

    P.S. You're cute when you're angry. <3

  5. To be fair, it would be nice to put a face to the name of a guy who has his knife at my throat. Just so I know who to describe when you fail...


    -The Dumbest of the Unworthy

  6. ... When Cam and Elaine told me about you, I thought you'd be a real threat, not some cartoony moron.

    At least you got to rescue your fair maiden?

    Stay the fuck away from me and Cam, you joke.


  7. I think you looked quite cute in that bellhop costume. Unfortunately I can't forgive you for just looking good.

    Maybe try not to go to a wedding with armed marine and runners next time? Yeah I think that's a good plan.

  8. Morningstar, I'd qualify for "Too Dumb to Live" if I told you how I spotted you. I want you to squirm as you think about what gave you away.

    What I will say though, is that Brown Recluse gets an apology for the pepper spray I dropped in her eyes. Although I'm surprised that all it takes for me to send you and yours running is a pair of sunglasses.

  9. @All of You: Go to hell. Fuck You. You all had best hope Father gets you before I DO.
    @Sagey: You and your scary shiny sunglasses had less to do with our retreat than the ANGRY MARINES UPSTAIRS.

  10. Challenge accepted, you Warner Brothers knock-off.

    And so sorry about stabbing Nee-chan. Never mind that I saved her goddamn life or anything. Naw, I'm sure she'd be fine with an enraged newlywed marine shooting her straight through the skull.

    I swear, you help a proxy and it comes back to haunt you for forever.

  11. And who's idea was it to go crash a party with those lovely Marines? Hm?

    I'll give you three guesses.

    -The Dumbest of the Unworthy (IE. Joel.)

  12. Recluse can have a nice jealous fit when she thinks about who ACTUALLY gets to do all of those things to him. And they're all even better than she could possibly imagine.

    Shitstar, are you going soft over Nee? You two psychotic assholes are perfect for each other. Go get married and we'll wreck YOUR wedding.

    Star, you're an idiotic bastard. I'm not angry anymore, just kind of irritated. You're a mosquito.

    Buzz off.


  13. ... How did you fail despite having your team of proxies, bombs, and guns?

  14. Dante, it all amounts to us really being a great deal more badass than them.
    And aw jeeze, Star. I spent good time on that reply for you to spurn me. Is this not mean to be?

  15. Morningstar,

    I have to tell you, I've always been a fan. Flaming Baby Baseball? Inspired. I had to go and try it out myself as soon as I read about it.
    But I find myself having to agree with Ms. Dante's question. Next time, perhaps I could suggest that you at least try to be competent?


  16. For the record, Nee-chan says that she didn't recognize you. Just that you looked awfully familiar for some reason.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  17. Better plan:
    Block the doors from the outside.
    Throw a molotov through a window.
    Kill them as they try to climb out.


  18. Aww, i wish i had been there, then at least 10 people would have definitely been killed

  19. You fail.I hope your future death will result in mass body chopping.your head will be taped to someones front door and your eyes will be hollowed out and turned into marbles.your arms will unknowingly become some old mans cane and your legs will become somebody's baseball bat.your torso will become my pillow.DEATH RAIN UPOUN THe WicKeD.