AND SO BRAVE MORNINGSTAR DESCENDED INTO THE DARKNESS OF CORPUS CHRISTI, HUNTING FOR SHE WHO TAKES THE NAME OF THE SUPREME POET. MORNINGSTAR AND HIS NOBLE ALLIES TOOK TO THE STREETS TO LOCATE THE PRETENDER. "HARK I have foundeth our prey, most noble leader FORSOOTH!" SAID THE RIPPER WITH GLEE. THE TIGER AND THE BARON MOVED TO CORNER THE PRETENDER. LIKE A RAT, THE PRETENDER WAS CORNERED AND REEKED OF FEAR. ALAS, FORTUNE SMILED UPON HER FOR TODAY, AS SHE CLIMBED THE FIRE ESCAPE TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE. LIKE A DEMONIC HOWLER MONKEY SHE SHRIEKED TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE, A HORRIBLE NOISE: "THERE IS A GROUP OF PEOPLE TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!"
ANGRY DEMONS STORMED OUT OF EVERY ROOM, ENGAGING MIGHTY MORNINGSTAR AND HIS ALLIES IN A BRUTAL MELEE. BULLETS PIERCED THROUGH FLESH AND BONE, AND KNIVES DRANK THE BLOOD OF DOZENS OF INNOCENTS THIS DAY. BUT THE DEMONS COULD NOT WIN, AND WERE SLAUGHTERED BY BRAVE MORNINGSTAR AND HIS ALLIES. SEEING THE CARNAGE BEFORE HIM, BRIGHT MORNINGSTAR WISELY CHOSE TO LEAVE THE BATTLEFIELD TO RELISH HIS VICTORY AND AWAIT THE PLANE THAT WOULD TAKE HIM TO THE ICY NORTH LANDS OF THE UNITED STATES.
Yeah. Dante was very lucky I still am suffering from my wound. No heavy fighting for a while yet. We leave tomorrow to New York City and beyond. See quite a few of you soon... I have missed you.
THIS IS THE TALE, OF TONY MONTANA, CUBANO FLAME, WITH MIAMI NUTS. GOT A BASEHEAD WIFE, HER WOMB IS POLLUTED, THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A...
ReplyDeleteYou get the idea. You've got serious problems if I can sum things up with lines from a Lonely Island song. If it makes you feel any better, before this it was "Like A Boss."
Morningstar, it amazes me that you're still alive. How has nobody blown your head off yet?
ReplyDeleteThat's not a canto. You fail English 101 forever.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention Murder 101 and Villainy 101, 102, and Remedial Villain Tactics.
ReplyDeleteYou should just stop writing about yourself. You only seem dangerous when it's other people writing about you.
ReplyDelete@Sagey: I? I have PROBLEMS? You DON'T Say.
ReplyDelete@KK: No one has been competent enough to blow my head off.
@Dante: I know. Heehee.
@Atalanta: I know. It's almost as if I am TRYING to seem ineffectual. Weird huh?
Maybe you've just never had an enemy WILLING to blow your head off. Ah, well.
ReplyDeleteHuh. Lets look at who I have gone up against. Mr. Goldman, who had a team of trigger happy security guards. The Bitch, Mitch, whose entire family I murdered and life I destroyed. Elaine, who would have definitely killed me had I given her a chance. And then various other nameless targets who were incapacitated long before they could kill me.
ReplyDeleteYes, but I doubt any of them came after you with a shotgun and truly murderous intent. Anyhow, enough of the metaphorical dick-swinging contest here. I have more important things to keep an eye on.
ReplyDeleteYou are starting to tense my nerves missing brother with your faith parody. I wish I could actually meet your team by myself one day, maybe we could organize something in a future.
ReplyDelete