Tuesday, May 10, 2011

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO GO TO CANADA???

ITS FUCKING COLD AND FAR AND FILLED WITH CANADIANS AND MAPLE SYRUP AND CANADIAN BACON And.... actually that sounds kind of nice... AND MOOSE AND SASQUATCH AND AND and... Goddammit.
Reassignment SUCKS. Seriously. I get comfy and learn my targets schedule and habits, their likes and dislikes and then BAM! I get shipped off to the land of hockey and ungodly content people. Kill me NOW. No seriously. Fucking do it. Zero. Tensor. Killer. NIL.
So I'll bet you wondering why I was reassigned. Well. It is kind of because of the whole Hesperus thing. They want me away from large groups of proxies. So, I have twelve people under my command and that is IT. I already mentioned some of them (Malacoda, Barbariccia, Cagnazzo, Alichino). They are a fairly competent bunch all things considered. Alichino was the one who put down Green Man's pet thingy (Which reminds me, SAGEY. Did that thing have a name?). This means my effective "throw proxies at it until it dies" approach will not be quite as effective. I never thought I would see the day I was reduced to a window knocking, cryptic message proxy. Are all the division heads as idiotic as Al(x)ne? I DESERVE TO BE HUNTING IMPORTANT PREY. Not idiotic blog-less runners or morons like Sagey and Haku-Chan. I should be hunting Zero or Slicey or Robbie.
Oh yeah. Laugh it up people, laugh it up. "You sound so whiny right now Morningstar." OH FUCK YOU. You were not forced from your comfy (Warm might I add) home in the mountains to go to some Godforsaken freezer. Mark my words Runners. MY DAY WILL COME. And the last thing you see before death's cold-as-Canada embrace takes you to the void will be my smiling face staring down at you as your last breath escapes your broken body. My laughter will be the last thing you hear before you awake in the lake of fire.
Addendum: I have something of an Ego, I know. I am proud, I am... Rather arrogant. But I have to say. I am not half the proxy Rika is. I would say well done, but that just seems insufficient praise for that most incredible of attacks on Zero. I am in awe.

35 comments:

  1. On the bright side, people in Canada are very polite. It's like being a colder version of the South.

    Also, I did not need your invitation to "laugh it up". I was laughing at "WHAT".

    -STEWARD

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  2. Well look at it this way: If you weren't a proxy, you wouldn't have to go anywhere you didn't want to. -shrug-

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  3. Please get mauled by a moose while your in canada.
    It would be hilarious.
    - Indrid

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  4. This is hilarious. That's what happens when you become a proxy.

    Zed, I agree with you for once!

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  5. Oh yes. Look on the bright side of being sent to the freezer to kill hockey players and Eskimos. Its insulting dammit.
    Haku-Chan, much as I complain about my job, I do really love it. There is just so much you can get away with by serving Him. Our good buddy Fisk makes sure the law cannot touch us, and his own men seem to be too incompetent to do any real damage to us. Being a proxy is FUN.

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  6. Yep. Y'know, except when you have to go to the freezer to kill hockey players and eskimos.
    And except when you're mindfucked into referring to yourself as a plural on occassion.
    And except when you've got a perception filter on you.
    And except when your utterly screwed-up brain is reduced to rambling in binary.
    And. And. And...

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  7. Oh please Haku-Chan. Killing Eskimos and Hockey Players is still fun. Just somewhat demeaning. I am NOT mindfucked nor do I have a perception filter. I am perfectly fine.
    Oh and Indrid, I am going to kill every Moose I see just because you said that. You monster. Think of how many poor baby Moose could have been spared had you not said that statement. You are EVIL.

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  8. Well, I dont think you even deserve to go there. Those people are too nice to be tormented by you, wayward brother.

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  9. Brilliant. Just brilliant. As if my day wasn't fucked enough to begin with - now I'm going to have you on my territory. Fucking peachy... tell you what: I'll teach you how to drive a dogsled and then we'll get you a pet polar bear from the local pet store, ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?"

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  10. That is very kind of you. I always liked Polar Bears. You know what I like more? Horses. I love horses. With Ketchup. Say, don't you have a horse laying around Mitchy? At least the food in Canada will be good. Eh?

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  11. OH FUCK YOU THAT IS OVER THE LINE YOU ASSHOLE.

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  12. You talk quite a lot about what you think we are up here. You know what OTHER kind of reputation Canadians have? BEING A FUCKING BITCH TO DEAL WITH WHEN YOU PISS. US. OFF. We tend to get creative. You, little Starlight, won't like our definition of that word.

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  13. I hope you go through with the moose killing plan.
    Please film it.
    I really don't care who wins.
    I will be laughing the entire time.
    - Indrid

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  14. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh THAT is RICH. I am sorry to say I have prior engagements for a while yet. You are pretty low on my list right now. Hell, your Horse is higher priority than you are. Damn thing might have given master a black eye... Socket.
    Looks like I finally got to you Haku. It took me long enough but MAN was it worth it.

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  15. Do not misunderstand me. There is one reason and one reason only that I maintain an interest in you, and that is the fact that at least SOME part of you realizes what a pathetic paracite you've become. What an unbelievably STUPID excuse for a human being you've always been. You wanted power. You wanted freedom. So what did you do? You gave up both to bask in the reflected glory of a cosmic horror-story that your feeble consciousness can BARELY comprehend. You gave up everything you were searching for and gained nothing, and you DARE to call US the fools?

    You pitiful louse.

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  16. Heh You are a fool. A complete and utter fool. I HAVE power now. I HAVE all that I ever desired. Had I not joined, do you know what I would have been? A corpse. A rotting corpse with all my organs removed and hung from trees like Christmas ornaments. Just like what will happen to you soon enough. You arrogant waste of flesh and blood. I long for the day I rid the world of your pathetic existance.

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  17. The poor nice people of Canada will become either the poor nice dead people of Canada or the poor corrupted people of Canada when you get there. Hehe... You know, you would make a splendid cartoon villain, I can see that perfectly in this post. You're like Hades. Only... Well... No, you're just like Hades.

    This made my night. Have a nice trip to Canada, MorningStar. How long are you stationed there for?

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  18. I strike you as a glorified used car salesman? Lovely.
    I am stationed there until I am told I can leave.

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  19. You are a corpse now, Luke Cifer. You are dead inside. And it was you who stabbed yourself in the back.

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  20. Where's the like button on this damn thing? X D

    ~Eternally Anonymous~

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  21. I think all of the proxies would make great cartoon villains, actually. Twirling their evil mustaches and trying innocent people to train tracks and the like.

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  22. the bureaucracy implied on the proxy side is staggering....

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  23. You have no idea, Zero. At all.

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  24. Morningstar- Sugar, why don't you just go freelance like me? It's so much more fun this way! Especially when the folks giving orders are so boring. I'll take an order if it sounds like fun, other then that I ignore the so called higher ups.

    Zero- It isn't a bureaucracy so much as the fact that in the end whether you're a runner or proxy, most people are sheep that are looking for someone to tell them what to do.

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  25. I find myself unable to go freelance for various reasons. I am one of the... uh... Loose Cannons, we'll just say. Everyone thinks it better if they can keep an eye on me. If I was not positive they would hunt me down and DRAG ME back, I would be out doing whatever I want.

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  26. "Everyone thinks its better if they can keep an eye on me.''

    With good reason.

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  27. Ahhh Canada. I remember visiting there. I used to live just a couple hundred miles from the border.

    It's filled with moose, bears, hockey, and beer.

    Well you could end up in Quebec and have to learn French.

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  28. I'm actually curious to see what you'll do now that you can't throw bodies at everything until it goes away.

    Can't wait to see you burn and die in a fire.

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  29. Oh, there will be PLENTY of bodies after I am done with Canada. It changes nothing Sagey. Speaking of burning, I hear the Devil has it out for you? Having Fuuun?

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  30. hey,Morningstar...

    take care, you crazy goof. Do it up in Canada.

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  31. Oh look it's Slice.
    I thought you were dead.
    I see you didn't go through with it.
    - Indrid

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  32. I will Slicey, glad to know you care. I hope you survive a bit longer as well. Or, HEY. Here is an idea. Wanna join Our side? It would be LOTS OF FUUUN.

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