Saturday, May 14, 2011

Canadia Sucks

Ah... The Grand 51st State. Inhabited only by tourists and people with silly accents. To my surprise, there were not many people who ended their sentences with "Eh?" I was disappointed. To illustrate my disappointment, we decided to burn down some coffee shop... Tim Hortons I think it was. It kind of sucked. Now I enjoy Trolling people. I enjoy it a lot. But in all my years of Trolling... Never have I seen a reaction like the one I got from the people who saw that coffee shop burn. I think I am going to burn down every single one of those places I see from now on. Who the hell is Tim Horton anyway? Some Hockey player I would guess. Eh?
But trolling Canadia is not why I am here. We are currently only a mile or so away from a young man who knows Father. Our job is to play with him a little bit. Not kill him or maim in any way. Father wants this one. So here is our strategy. Cagnazzo and Rubicante will play cat and mouse with the guy. Malacoda and Myself will break into his house and mess with his shit. Spray paint a few Operator Symbols for shits and giggles, leave him E-Mail messages. Steal his money. Leave him some pills (totally harmless ones, I promise. That is what makes it funny). You know. The Usual Proxy things. Alichino and Graffiacane will be look outs for us.
The guy is in a later stage of haunting. So he will not last much longer. Soon his friends and family will find him hanging from a tree. His organs all mysteriously missing... His face twisted into an expression of utter terror. I cannot WAIT to see it. Eh?


  1. Try some of their donuts. I went to Quebec once, Tim Hortons donuts were delicious.

    guh I want a donut...urp.

  2. I am amused,
    your hunt is very comical,
    consider theater?

  3. You really sound like you need a hug.

  4. Aww, poor widdle hallowed. Do you need some cheese to go with that whine?

  5. "51st state"... you know, the last time you Southerners tried that, we burnt down your White House. Personally, I can't WAIT to see your reenactment of how that little dispute ended~

    Seriously, Twinkle. Please grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass already. Go home. I'm certain your Ma, Uncle Phil, and all 63 of your siblings miss you, ya'ear?

  6. @Dante: I am not fucking Hallowed you twit. And where in this post did I whine?
    @Mitch: That is right, you did burn the idiot house down didn't you? Well consider this vengeance for that. I will give this entire country a Baptism in Flames... Well, if I am allowed to.
    Well ya see ma'am, my Maw and my Paw is with the lord now. They probably ain't missing me right now. My brother ain't likely missing me either. I s'pose you could ask them if their missin' me yurself when I send you ta' join 'em.

  7. Baptism, EH? Sorry - I'll pass. I was born a heathen and I'll die one. Least you're referring to us as a country now - I thinks yur learnding, Stary! Yes, you are~

    Ah, I never was one fer yur types of gatherings, Twinkie - can't understand a damn word y'all come out with. Like listenin' to a squirrel yabber. Diarrhea of ya'll mouths; constipation of ya'll ideas. Get it, youngen?

  8. Y'all is one ta talk. Diarrhea of the mouth indeed. Y'all speek frog language up here. Y'all has no room to talk about diarrhea of tha mouth.

  9. Pssht, then change that to "poor widdle proxy." What part of America are you from, anyway?

    Mitch, not all Southerners are like that. Just the ones in Alabama.

  10. Okay, enough of this half-wit typing - it's giving me a headache and, being the wonderous comic relief villain that you are, it's making taking you seriously even more impossible than usual. That's almost something you to be proud of, really.

    For one, if you have an issue with the French - go be a sqeaky wheel in their province. Why do you think we have them shoved off to the side?

    Secondly, know this about the country you're trespassing in, Morningstar: We're not tolerate to your kind. And by "kind" I mean insufferable, obnoxious, blinded yanks that take up more room on this planet than what they are worth. You know why most people believe we are so easy going? So tolerate? It's because no one finds the bodies.

    Shoot. Shovel. Shut up.

    Watch your head, little Star. We get inventive with people we don't like.

  11. Oh, fuck you. Quit insulting my homeland.