Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I Regret My Actions

I should not have burned down Tim Hortons. I can honestly see now why the Canadians were so up in arms about the destruction of one of these places... It is actually pretty good. I am SHOCKED. Maybe Canada does not suck as badly as I thought... Oh who cares. Bunch of French wannabes.
But back to business. The next target is a 20 year old male. No wife, no kid. Disappointing I know. Another round of Flaming Baby Baseball would have been fun. We might try Hockey next time though. Or Golf. Wait. No. Scratch that. Golf is too boring. But I digress. The target is well aware he is being stalked by Father. He seems to be in the stage just before the utter insanity stage. You know, constant paranoia, willingness to sacrifice all of his loved ones to escape death, doodling operator symbols everywhere, constipation, sore throat, nausea, hylophobia, tendency to carry masks around, forgetting how to work a shower/toothbrush/washing machine, insomnia, and the belief that everyone around him is a proxy. Incidentally, that last one is correct.
So. Here is my plan. I am going to stare at him. Just watch him. Just to fuck with him. He will probably get up and try to leave or something. I will continue to stare at him until he walks out the door. Then I will quickly duck under the table, so that when he looks through the window to see if I am still watching him, he will not see me.
Phase two of the plan will then begin. Scarmiglione is already hiding in the back of his (Very Messy) vehicle. I think you can guess where this is going. I fucking LOVE horror movies.


  1. Oh my...How very amusing. I look forward to seeing how this will play out. And, Flaming Baby Baseball? How very twisted of you.

  2. I'd tell you you're a sick bastard, but you'd probably take it as a compliment.

  3. @Eternity: The funniest things are always twisted.
    @Dante: Yes. I probably would.

  4. Where about in Canada are you? Now that there is a working cure I think it's about time we come and save you Luke. Also I know this is rather late, but if it's the combined portions of your name that bother you, you can have one of them changed legally so that it's no longer an issue.

    Much Luv

  5. NAOMI DEAREST. Glad to see you are still among the living. I thought Father had finally decided to kill you. You should know better than to simply ask where I am. Come find me, if you can.