Saturday, May 28, 2011

God is Fickle

Well well. Father took an interest in my Target. Which means I do not get to kill the bastard. Oh well. I was going to use him to prepare a theoretical defense.
If Zero is making a weapon from the Bones of Runners The Unworthy/Proxies The Chosen, I shall create a defense against said weapon from the Skin of Innocents and the Unworthy. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING AND FUCK YOU. If Zero can create some unholy weapon from bones, I can create a Holy... Shield... From the skin of the unworthy. Since I appear to be more adept at killing than Zero, and his fans, I should be finished with my Shield long before he is... Which brings me to the next topic of discussion...
NAOMI IS BACK *Throws Confetti into the air*. She also wants to "cure" me, turning me into an Unworthy. Not going to happen, and I hope to add your flesh to My Holy Shield. With her, and the New Sages flesh joined together, THIS SHIELD SHALL BE... I have no idea. Invincible? Invincible to whatever weapon Zero is making? Foul smelling... Well that is a given. I digress. It shall be... Something. SOMETHING IMPORTANT NO DOUBT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I Regret My Actions

I should not have burned down Tim Hortons. I can honestly see now why the Canadians were so up in arms about the destruction of one of these places... It is actually pretty good. I am SHOCKED. Maybe Canada does not suck as badly as I thought... Oh who cares. Bunch of French wannabes.
But back to business. The next target is a 20 year old male. No wife, no kid. Disappointing I know. Another round of Flaming Baby Baseball would have been fun. We might try Hockey next time though. Or Golf. Wait. No. Scratch that. Golf is too boring. But I digress. The target is well aware he is being stalked by Father. He seems to be in the stage just before the utter insanity stage. You know, constant paranoia, willingness to sacrifice all of his loved ones to escape death, doodling operator symbols everywhere, constipation, sore throat, nausea, hylophobia, tendency to carry masks around, forgetting how to work a shower/toothbrush/washing machine, insomnia, and the belief that everyone around him is a proxy. Incidentally, that last one is correct.
So. Here is my plan. I am going to stare at him. Just watch him. Just to fuck with him. He will probably get up and try to leave or something. I will continue to stare at him until he walks out the door. Then I will quickly duck under the table, so that when he looks through the window to see if I am still watching him, he will not see me.
Phase two of the plan will then begin. Scarmiglione is already hiding in the back of his (Very Messy) vehicle. I think you can guess where this is going. I fucking LOVE horror movies.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Well Damn.

I was hoping they would wait a little longer before releasing "our" names to the public. I told you all didn't I? The Leaves were stained Red, but not with OUR blood nor the mounties. They never took us. Dead or Alive. I am not as dumb as you people think I am. Though it looks like the Mounties ARE as dumb as we thought they were.You know, I have been thinking about my lack of subtlety and have decided to be a little more... sneaky.
NOW On to Business.
New Sages. NEW FUCKING SAGES. Haku-Chan. Sagey. And Kay. WHAT. I HAD THE CHANCE TO KILL TWO OF THEM... Once I am done here, I am going back to finish you scum off. No playing around. No more Cat and Mouse through the city. I will kill you all. Make you suffer beyond comprehension. Your flesh will as clay in my hands, to be molded into something wonderful. I'll go back and finish Green Man and Forgemaster, turn them into bloody SMEARS on the floor. I'll kill that Mitch bitch. Chop her up and send her to Haku. I only regret there is no one left for me to kill for Kay. Oh well. I will just settle for TORTURING THE SHIT OUT OF HER. Then sending that to Zero. Should make his day. I might even leave a bone intact.
I WILL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD AND EAT YOUR FLESH. YOUR SOULS WILL FEED FATHER AND BE KEPT IN TORMENT FOR ETERNITY. YOUR HEARTS WILL BE SACRIFICED IN HIS NAME. I can't wait...

Monday, May 16, 2011

I suppose I did not think this through very well.

Is there no Canadian FISK? Well if their is, he seems more keen to KILL his targets. The Canadian Police (Ooooh Scary.) are looking for us. While certainly no threat, they could delay us. So we are going to be hiding in the wilderness for a few days. I may have a screw or two loose, but even I am not so insane to think that 13 poorly armed proxies can take on the Canadian military. The leaves will be dyed Red. RED RED RED RED RED HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
They will never take us, dead or alive.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Ok ok ok. I am typing this message from the target's home computer. The thing is a total piece of shit, but that is not important. What is important, is that the target has a wife and Baby boy. Father did not mention them. So Malacoda and I are having some fun with them while we wait. And so we have our new favorite sport... FLAMING BABY BASEBALL. We had to remove the head first of course. Hitting a full baby around is very awkward work. So, I was pitching and Malacoda was hitting. FUCKING HOME RUN STRAIGHT INTO MOMMY'S HEAD. It was Glorious. After a few more rounds, the head was no longer fit to hit, sadly. So we had some fun with Mommy. Scraping off the skin on a few places... Snapping a couple bones here and there. And then we received word that daddy is coming home and will be here in 15 minutes. So we finished Mommy off and I came over to the computer to post this. It was a lot of fun. God I love Canadia. The people here are just so.... Killable. Anyway, time to press publish post and then destroy the computer just to add another level of annoyance to this situation. Good Times. Eh?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Canadia Sucks

Ah... The Grand 51st State. Inhabited only by tourists and people with silly accents. To my surprise, there were not many people who ended their sentences with "Eh?" I was disappointed. To illustrate my disappointment, we decided to burn down some coffee shop... Tim Hortons I think it was. It kind of sucked. Now I enjoy Trolling people. I enjoy it a lot. But in all my years of Trolling... Never have I seen a reaction like the one I got from the people who saw that coffee shop burn. I think I am going to burn down every single one of those places I see from now on. Who the hell is Tim Horton anyway? Some Hockey player I would guess. Eh?
But trolling Canadia is not why I am here. We are currently only a mile or so away from a young man who knows Father. Our job is to play with him a little bit. Not kill him or maim in any way. Father wants this one. So here is our strategy. Cagnazzo and Rubicante will play cat and mouse with the guy. Malacoda and Myself will break into his house and mess with his shit. Spray paint a few Operator Symbols for shits and giggles, leave him E-Mail messages. Steal his money. Leave him some pills (totally harmless ones, I promise. That is what makes it funny). You know. The Usual Proxy things. Alichino and Graffiacane will be look outs for us.
The guy is in a later stage of haunting. So he will not last much longer. Soon his friends and family will find him hanging from a tree. His organs all mysteriously missing... His face twisted into an expression of utter terror. I cannot WAIT to see it. Eh?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO GO TO CANADA???

ITS FUCKING COLD AND FAR AND FILLED WITH CANADIANS AND MAPLE SYRUP AND CANADIAN BACON And.... actually that sounds kind of nice... AND MOOSE AND SASQUATCH AND AND and... Goddammit.
Reassignment SUCKS. Seriously. I get comfy and learn my targets schedule and habits, their likes and dislikes and then BAM! I get shipped off to the land of hockey and ungodly content people. Kill me NOW. No seriously. Fucking do it. Zero. Tensor. Killer. NIL.
So I'll bet you wondering why I was reassigned. Well. It is kind of because of the whole Hesperus thing. They want me away from large groups of proxies. So, I have twelve people under my command and that is IT. I already mentioned some of them (Malacoda, Barbariccia, Cagnazzo, Alichino). They are a fairly competent bunch all things considered. Alichino was the one who put down Green Man's pet thingy (Which reminds me, SAGEY. Did that thing have a name?). This means my effective "throw proxies at it until it dies" approach will not be quite as effective. I never thought I would see the day I was reduced to a window knocking, cryptic message proxy. Are all the division heads as idiotic as Al(x)ne? I DESERVE TO BE HUNTING IMPORTANT PREY. Not idiotic blog-less runners or morons like Sagey and Haku-Chan. I should be hunting Zero or Slicey or Robbie.
Oh yeah. Laugh it up people, laugh it up. "You sound so whiny right now Morningstar." OH FUCK YOU. You were not forced from your comfy (Warm might I add) home in the mountains to go to some Godforsaken freezer. Mark my words Runners. MY DAY WILL COME. And the last thing you see before death's cold-as-Canada embrace takes you to the void will be my smiling face staring down at you as your last breath escapes your broken body. My laughter will be the last thing you hear before you awake in the lake of fire.
Addendum: I have something of an Ego, I know. I am proud, I am... Rather arrogant. But I have to say. I am not half the proxy Rika is. I would say well done, but that just seems insufficient praise for that most incredible of attacks on Zero. I am in awe.