Scarecrow and Menglina are dead (And my GOD Menglina tasted good). Angmar has been reassigned to kill Elaine and Cam or be hunted down himself. I wonder which moron we will lose next. My vote is Gleeman... Fucking Freak Job... Saw him doing unspeakable things to a Rubber Chicken. The Chicken did not do a damn thing to deserve that... Poor thing. Also, I am in an ungodly amount of pain. I have been told that it will be a while before I am fully recovered. So fuck you Angmar. I hope Elaine kills you like Scarecrow.
In other news, we received a conformation that Redlight is dead. Can't say I am going to miss the bastard. Though this IS a rather severe setback for us. Redlight was the face of the Chosen, and with him gone, we can expect higher casualties. And severe demoralization. They guy who gave us the news was nearly hysterical. Some of my own friends starting panicking even. So now we need a new Chosen to be the "Face" and replace Redlight. I vote Iscariot personally. It is a tough job, but I sure YOU of all people could handle it.
As for us, well, we have a fuck ton of Targets to murder here in Texas. We even know where one of those Wintergreen survivors are. Dear Dante. Hehehehe. I am going to be far more cautious this time. And Far more aware that I am teamed with possibly the least subtle people in the entire world. Jack nearly murdered FIVE Hospital Staff while I was there. Thank GOD... Or Thank the Loa or whatever those Voodoo Gods are called, that Baron Sammy was able to hold Jack's leash. As for Gleeman and Crouching Tiger's little scuffle, I found out that Gleeman was insulting Tiger's fighting style. Thus Tiger's rage. Henceforth they shall not be teamed together.
My guess is that it will take a week or two to get back to relatively good strength... Goddammit Angmar. Until then, I am going to be directing team building exercises for our merry band of morons. I have my work cut out for me.
Addendum: Tensor keep watch over Terminator please. If I catch him NEAR the morphine one more time, I am torching all the cocaine he has. Fucking addict.
Addendum 2: WHO KEEPS SENDING ME FAN MAIL. I don't even KNOW anyone from New York. Half this crap is written in weeaboonese. I don't know what the fuck a Kawaii is. Sounds like sub-species of Koala. Some relation to Hawaii? Sempai? Pie? Is that Japanese for Pie?
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
GODDAMN WORTHLESS DUMBFUCKS
After careful consideration, and debating it with my colleagues, I have decided to leave Angmar here. To deal with Elaine and Cam as penance for his COLOSSAL FUCK UP. THAT FAT COWARDLY INCOMPETENT WORTHLESS STUPID BASTARD NEARLY CUT ME IN HALF!
So. Perhaps some of you have read Elaine's latest post. The plan was very simple you know. Scarecrow and Angmar would be follow Elaine around, reporting her movements to Tensor's team so they could stage an ambush. My team would then pick up Cam and converge on the ambush spot. Then I would enter with Cam as a hostage, and if Elaine was somehow still alive, I would use Cam to get her to surrender. The rest of my team would then secure an escape route if something went wrong. My GOD did something go wrong.
First off, Tensor. May I ask where you were? You had Tiger, Recluse and Gleeman with you. They would have been VERY useful you know. What happened?
Second, Scarecrow and Angmar should never have engaged Elaine. They should have fallen back and waited for backup. Scarecrow paid the price for this stupidity. I assume Elaine killed him before I arrived. Cut his throat it seems. Either that or Angmar is more dangerous with that sword than I gave him credit for. Ha.
Third, I let her get to me. Rest assured, that will not happen again. I should have cut Cam's throat wide open. Let the blood spill out. All the pretty red blood. Never going to let myself get riled up like that again.
Fucking Angmar... This will take some time to recover from this... Elaine. This is not over. Far from it. Sociopathic bitch... I WILL KILL YOU NEXT TIME. I will make you BLEED so good. The main reason I went after you in the first place was to hurt Sagey, but now I just wanna make you SCREAM. I will show you pain like you have never experienced before. I will make you beg for a death that will not come swiftly. Once I am done with you, there will not be enough left of the body to tell that you were even human... Which I am not even sure you qualify as.
Mark my words everyone. You will wish I had killed her. I know something you don't. None of you will believe me of course... But when Elaine's true nature comes out, well... I warned you. Now if you will excuse me, I need rest. My wound really fucking hurts you know.
So. Perhaps some of you have read Elaine's latest post. The plan was very simple you know. Scarecrow and Angmar would be follow Elaine around, reporting her movements to Tensor's team so they could stage an ambush. My team would then pick up Cam and converge on the ambush spot. Then I would enter with Cam as a hostage, and if Elaine was somehow still alive, I would use Cam to get her to surrender. The rest of my team would then secure an escape route if something went wrong. My GOD did something go wrong.
First off, Tensor. May I ask where you were? You had Tiger, Recluse and Gleeman with you. They would have been VERY useful you know. What happened?
Second, Scarecrow and Angmar should never have engaged Elaine. They should have fallen back and waited for backup. Scarecrow paid the price for this stupidity. I assume Elaine killed him before I arrived. Cut his throat it seems. Either that or Angmar is more dangerous with that sword than I gave him credit for. Ha.
Third, I let her get to me. Rest assured, that will not happen again. I should have cut Cam's throat wide open. Let the blood spill out. All the pretty red blood. Never going to let myself get riled up like that again.
Fucking Angmar... This will take some time to recover from this... Elaine. This is not over. Far from it. Sociopathic bitch... I WILL KILL YOU NEXT TIME. I will make you BLEED so good. The main reason I went after you in the first place was to hurt Sagey, but now I just wanna make you SCREAM. I will show you pain like you have never experienced before. I will make you beg for a death that will not come swiftly. Once I am done with you, there will not be enough left of the body to tell that you were even human... Which I am not even sure you qualify as.
Mark my words everyone. You will wish I had killed her. I know something you don't. None of you will believe me of course... But when Elaine's true nature comes out, well... I warned you. Now if you will excuse me, I need rest. My wound really fucking hurts you know.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Bad News
We have arrived in Texas, and have been here for about six hours now. I did my usual thing of calling certain people who would tell me certain things so I could go butcher certain people. I was certain that we were not well organized down here due to certain BATTLES that seem to have occurred recently. I was certainly surprised when the people I called told me they were certain that I would not be getting any reinforcements. Which certainly sucks, but it does not really bother me. THEN I was told that I was to remain in Texas until further notice, and pick up the slack of certain individuals. Who are dead.
Thus, I now have a MASSIVE list of assignments. I even have stalking duties. STALKING duties. You know the kind... Follow along without doing anything just to scare the hell out of the targets. Why can't they get someone ELSE to fill in. Why ME. Oh well. No use complaining now. What is done is done.
I know which people I am putting on the top of my "To Kill" list now... First and foremost Elaine. Not her buddy Cam though, I want to see how the marriage thing plays out. Then I hunt down any lingering Wintergreen members. Dante for example. The bad news is, because I am so SWAMPED with work, I only have a limited time to take out each target. Then again, I do LOVE a Challenge.
Thus, I now have a MASSIVE list of assignments. I even have stalking duties. STALKING duties. You know the kind... Follow along without doing anything just to scare the hell out of the targets. Why can't they get someone ELSE to fill in. Why ME. Oh well. No use complaining now. What is done is done.
I know which people I am putting on the top of my "To Kill" list now... First and foremost Elaine. Not her buddy Cam though, I want to see how the marriage thing plays out. Then I hunt down any lingering Wintergreen members. Dante for example. The bad news is, because I am so SWAMPED with work, I only have a limited time to take out each target. Then again, I do LOVE a Challenge.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Leaving the North East
About fucking time if you ask me. I am SO tired of dealing with idiot Canadians and rude Northerners. We are heading Texas, one of the States I have ALWAYS wanted to visit. Granted, it is in the South West, which is the inferior part of the South, but even that is better than the Goddamn NORTH.
I hear there is a lot of shit going on down there. I DO hope I can make it worse. I WOULD like a confirmation that the Wintergreen morons are dead. Especially Arkady and Setoth. Oh lets see... Who else is in Texas.... LAINEY AND CAMMY. Wonderful. I've been wanting to meet Lainey face-to-face for some time now. Maybe torture her for a little while. Yes... That would be fun. Lots of fun with knives, as I have been doing a lot of unconventional torture for a little while now. I kind of miss the sight and sounds of a knife cutting through flesh... That wonderful feeling on plunging it deep within a body... The ripping the tearing the cutting cutting cutting cutting HEHAHA... Leaving a disemboweled, dismembered shell behind painting the blood all across the walls and floor just like Mothers SMASHING breaking grinding bones to a powder the remains frozen in a position of my choosing amidst the glorious sea of RED around it ORGANS strung up everywhere, we'll even staple the intestines to a WALL in the shape of an Operator Symbol so ALL will know and FEAR Father and his Chosen beloved children... KILL the unworthy, KILL the monsters, KILL the demons, KILL THE FUCKING WORLD KILL IT ALL I WILL KILL IT ALL IT WILL ALL DIE YOU WILL ALL DIE WE WILL ALL DIE DIE DIE TOGETHER FOREVER IN HELL!!!!
I hear there is a lot of shit going on down there. I DO hope I can make it worse. I WOULD like a confirmation that the Wintergreen morons are dead. Especially Arkady and Setoth. Oh lets see... Who else is in Texas.... LAINEY AND CAMMY. Wonderful. I've been wanting to meet Lainey face-to-face for some time now. Maybe torture her for a little while. Yes... That would be fun. Lots of fun with knives, as I have been doing a lot of unconventional torture for a little while now. I kind of miss the sight and sounds of a knife cutting through flesh... That wonderful feeling on plunging it deep within a body... The ripping the tearing the cutting cutting cutting cutting HEHAHA... Leaving a disemboweled, dismembered shell behind painting the blood all across the walls and floor just like Mothers SMASHING breaking grinding bones to a powder the remains frozen in a position of my choosing amidst the glorious sea of RED around it ORGANS strung up everywhere, we'll even staple the intestines to a WALL in the shape of an Operator Symbol so ALL will know and FEAR Father and his Chosen beloved children... KILL the unworthy, KILL the monsters, KILL the demons, KILL THE FUCKING WORLD KILL IT ALL I WILL KILL IT ALL IT WILL ALL DIE YOU WILL ALL DIE WE WILL ALL DIE DIE DIE TOGETHER FOREVER IN HELL!!!!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
We do not TOLERATE Recklessness
Oh Menglina, Menglina, Menglina... Why did you make me kill you? Sticking needles in us in our sleep is fine, injecting us with God knows what is fine, even dissecting Angmar in his sleep is fine. But when you mess around with something that could SERIOUSLY screw up our plans... Well. Some lines should not be crossed, even for the sake of Science. Tensor brought some of Tabby's cure with her, in case she needed to pull a "I am really planning on "freeing" Morningstar from Father's control" routine with some prying Unworthy. It was a dangerous move to keep the cure nearby, I admit, but I suppose it does not matter anymore. I was forced to smash the cure and Menglina's skull, to avoid unnecessary risks. HA. One down Nine to go I guess. Sorry for messing up your precautions Tensor.
In other news, I have been enjoying a bit of down time. No dealing with moronic wanna-be Chosen, no idiot Unworthy to chase down, no... Nothing really. So I have spent my down time doing normal people things. Movies, Video Games and such. The Human Centipede is hilariously stupid. I also finally got to play F.E.A.R. 3 (I refuse to call it F.3.A.R.), and was very disappointed. It was not scary in the least, although Paxton Fettel was fun to play as. I am also thinking about buying Amnesia the Dark Descent. Looks fun.
Also wondering where we should go next, when the testing is complete. I am thinking Texas or New Jersey again. Lots of fun to be had in those places. I could have all sorts of fun with so many people. Speaking of which, I also had another one of those peculiar dreams last night. So fucking weird. Lainey was there, and Sagey, and... People I really did not recognize, and a Robotic Velociraptor (Fucking Awesome). Was it another shared dream Sagey? Because the last thing I remember is blowing up the room you and Lainey were in? What happened after that? Did I kill you? I hope so.
In other news, I have been enjoying a bit of down time. No dealing with moronic wanna-be Chosen, no idiot Unworthy to chase down, no... Nothing really. So I have spent my down time doing normal people things. Movies, Video Games and such. The Human Centipede is hilariously stupid. I also finally got to play F.E.A.R. 3 (I refuse to call it F.3.A.R.), and was very disappointed. It was not scary in the least, although Paxton Fettel was fun to play as. I am also thinking about buying Amnesia the Dark Descent. Looks fun.
Also wondering where we should go next, when the testing is complete. I am thinking Texas or New Jersey again. Lots of fun to be had in those places. I could have all sorts of fun with so many people. Speaking of which, I also had another one of those peculiar dreams last night. So fucking weird. Lainey was there, and Sagey, and... People I really did not recognize, and a Robotic Velociraptor (Fucking Awesome). Was it another shared dream Sagey? Because the last thing I remember is blowing up the room you and Lainey were in? What happened after that? Did I kill you? I hope so.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Testing the Newbies: Part Three
Contrary to popular belief, the "Tackle Fucking Everything" school of fighting is not especially popular among Chosen with more than half a brain. Because we are up against some fairly dangerous people (Arkady, Mitch, Sagey etc), it is important that our brothers and sisters have the skills necessary... To defend themselves, and Father. Thus we have...
Test III. The Ability to Fight
We have tested the newbies in regards to their skill in hand-to-hand combat and combat with SIGNATURE weapons. Given that I myself know NOTHING of Martial Arts, I was simply making sure that our beloved little brothers and sisters are not limited to simply throwing random haymakers. Based on what I was SEEING, most of them can fight well enough. A Couple of them even know formal Martial Arts and could thus probably kick my ass in a fist-fight. But I don't do fist-fights do I? I use WEAPONS, and thus so should they. Needless to say, some of them are more adept at using weapons than others. Here were the results
Scarecrow: Tensor gave him Sickles to use in combat. He immediately started complaining that he deserved a SCYTHE made out of the BONES of the unworthy, with a blade forged from metal that has been cooled by the blood of the unworthy. Which sounds really frigging awesome I must admit. Still, this is probably Scarecrow's BEST performance yet. He proved competent in the use of Sharp things. Which is more than I can say for a LOT of people. As for hand-to-hand skills, he SAID he knew Crane Kung Fu or some shit. I somehow doubt what he was doing was Crane Kung Fu, or even a Martial Art. As I said last post, Angmar was volunteered to be the sparring partner for the other nine. (Which is why this post took an extra day to make. We had to keep waiting for him to wake up.) Well, Scarecrow failed to knock out Angmar, or even seriously wound him besides making him cry a bit and BITCH a lot. I doubt he could even beat someone with no fighting ability whatsoever. Like Arkady.
Terminator: Termy was given a Shotgun, and being an ex-cop, he appears to be proficient in it's use. I personally would have given him an M16 Assault Rifle, but this works just as well. He can shoot straight even while high as a kite. As for Martial Arts, he appears to know Krav Maga. At least that is what he says it is. I don't know Krav Maga from Akido or Sambo or all those other weird Asian words. It seemed fairly pragmatic though. Angmar was out cold in a few seconds. So we made Scarecrow spar instead. And he did not last any longer than Angmar. So we called over Tensor. And as expected she kicked the crap out of him. So I guess this makes him more useful than Scarecrow at least
Jack: Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack... I am disappointed Jack. I really am. He was given a Kukri from Tensor. He has no idea how to use the thing. He does not seem to comprehend the fact that the Kukri is made for SLASHING and not STABBING. Fortunately when we tested his aim by having him throw it, he was not too far off the target. This means he can at least THROW the thing and hope to cause real damage. As for Martial Arts... He is roughly on par with Angmar. Haymakers and attempted Roundhouse Kicks. Angmar seemed almost RELIEVED when Jack started fighting him. He can at least stab things though, right? That is one upside to this nutcase.
Crouching Tiger: I was excited to see Tiger fight. He did not disappoint. He is really REALLY REALLY Good. Still has that unfortunate habit of shouting his attacks. The Good news is, he has a few fake out attacks. You know, where he says he is going to do one thing and then does something different. I am very proud of him. His skill with the tonfas Tensor gave him is likewise considerable. I do not want to be on his bad side. He shall be a valuable asset to our cause. (Yes I realize I am not describing his skills. This is intentional. Why give insight into our best fighter's fighting style?)
Darkhorse: Darkhorse has excellent aim despite wearing sunglasses all the time. Unfortunately he seems to be more occupied with showboating than actually shooting. He spent most of the testing session twirling his revolvers in every way possible. When we got around to the sword fighting bit, he proved to be competent at it. Not much else I can say about his weapon skills. He is good. As for Hand-to-Hand, much to my disappointment, he was at least as good as Terminator in... Whatever kind of fighting style he is using. Not as efficient as Termy though. He spent most of the "fight" standing in one place while Angmar tried to punch him. After Angmar went down, again, we sent in Terminator to spar with him. Termy lost, but at least he made Darkhorse actually move around a little. Bleh. So Darkhorse is competent. Moving on.
Dr. Menglina: Tensor gave the Doctor Scalpels to use. She got a little too excited with them however... During a break, Scarecrow came running out of a back room screaming about how Menglina was trying to dissect him. Yes... I suppose I should mention that a lot of the newbies keep waking up with mysterious cuts and shit. I wonder who was causing that. As for Hand-to-Hand... Well she sucks, to be perfectly honest. She had no idea what she was doing while beating up Angmar. It was all too obvious. She may end up being more trouble than she is worth.
Gleeman: Tensor chose Pies to be the Clown's... SIGNATURE weapon. Possibly a Joke on her part, but he did a damn good job killing the test subjects with it. First by smothering one guy with the Pie, then by beating a guy to death with the thing it was in. Really, weapons testing was a waste of time for Bozo. He has everything from Exploding Rubber Chickens to Poison Pies, to throwing knives, to a... Flamethrower? I am not sure what the hell he uses to set things on fire like he does. Not to mention the CHAINSAW and the spear-flag gun. The real question here in my mind was this: Without the weapons, could he put up a fight? Well the short answer is No and the longer one is Hell no. Angmar, no doubt having picked up a few tricks from the others, was giving him trouble. ANGMAR. Gave him trouble. The only noteworthy thing about the clown's hand-to-hand is that, despite his large belly, he is rather acrobatic.
Baron Samedi: Baron Sammy was given a blowgun with poison darts, and my GOD he has good aim with it. The poison in them presumably comes from the snake. Otherwise he must... Buy them off of E-Bay or something. A tiny sting and the victim dies a slow painful death. I fucking love Poison. Sammy also knows Capoeria which looks completely AWESOME, and according to wikipedia, is very bad-ass. Considering he was fighting Angmar however, I cannot say for certain how effective it is. He may also have played around too much with Angmar. Still though, I did not expect THIS from a guy who dressed like a witch doctor. We will be putting him on the front lines with Tiger from now on.
Angmar: Take a WILD Guess how effective this man is in combat with Tensor's Razor and his Sword. He is a fairly strong man, I'll give him that. But he is perhaps the worst fighter I have ever seen, and I have seen a LOT of bad fighters. (Examples include: Sagey, Mitch, and Ryuu). He is whiny, he is incompetent, and he cannot take a punch. Well. Now he probably can. But he couldn't before this. If by some miracle he survives Tensor's challenge, I am probably going to send him after some REALLY low priority, incompetent and non-threatening Unworthy. So... Elaine maybe. We'll see.
Brown Recluse: Before we talk about how she is an able fighter, we must first discuss something I found out a short time ago. Recluse is in LOVE. In Love with a man she has never met and has only heard about in stories and seen in pictures. That man... Is Amalgamation Sage. Clearly she has poor taste in men. But I may head back up to the New Jersey area, just to get her to shut up about him. Provided she passes Tensor's challenge of course. As for her combat abilities. Well. It is fairly obvious she is very strong. Thus Tensor gave her a Sledgehammer (In Honor of the Fallen Rika. May you rest in peace in the arms of Father in Heaven). She is adept with a sledgehammer as anyone could be I think. She is very good at smashing things. As for her Hand-to-Hand abilities... Well I actually had to stop her from breaking Angmar in half. Amusing though it would have been.
And that Concludes MY tests. All that remains is the Challenge devised by Tensor. What this challenge is... I do not know. She will not tell me. Needless to say, I do not expect everyone to survive. HeheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I will post the survivors list in a couple days. So we have enough time to clean up the inevitable mess and bury the bodies. Oh I cannot WAIT. We have a whole list of new targets to play with. I may even stop by to say hello to a few of you Unworthy along the way. Gotta wonder if Tensor will continue to accompany us. We'll see I suppose. I need to see a little more suffering, a little more pain a little more chaos. I cannot wait I cannot wait I CANNOT WAIT.
Test III. The Ability to Fight
We have tested the newbies in regards to their skill in hand-to-hand combat and combat with SIGNATURE weapons. Given that I myself know NOTHING of Martial Arts, I was simply making sure that our beloved little brothers and sisters are not limited to simply throwing random haymakers. Based on what I was SEEING, most of them can fight well enough. A Couple of them even know formal Martial Arts and could thus probably kick my ass in a fist-fight. But I don't do fist-fights do I? I use WEAPONS, and thus so should they. Needless to say, some of them are more adept at using weapons than others. Here were the results
Scarecrow: Tensor gave him Sickles to use in combat. He immediately started complaining that he deserved a SCYTHE made out of the BONES of the unworthy, with a blade forged from metal that has been cooled by the blood of the unworthy. Which sounds really frigging awesome I must admit. Still, this is probably Scarecrow's BEST performance yet. He proved competent in the use of Sharp things. Which is more than I can say for a LOT of people. As for hand-to-hand skills, he SAID he knew Crane Kung Fu or some shit. I somehow doubt what he was doing was Crane Kung Fu, or even a Martial Art. As I said last post, Angmar was volunteered to be the sparring partner for the other nine. (Which is why this post took an extra day to make. We had to keep waiting for him to wake up.) Well, Scarecrow failed to knock out Angmar, or even seriously wound him besides making him cry a bit and BITCH a lot. I doubt he could even beat someone with no fighting ability whatsoever. Like Arkady.
Terminator: Termy was given a Shotgun, and being an ex-cop, he appears to be proficient in it's use. I personally would have given him an M16 Assault Rifle, but this works just as well. He can shoot straight even while high as a kite. As for Martial Arts, he appears to know Krav Maga. At least that is what he says it is. I don't know Krav Maga from Akido or Sambo or all those other weird Asian words. It seemed fairly pragmatic though. Angmar was out cold in a few seconds. So we made Scarecrow spar instead. And he did not last any longer than Angmar. So we called over Tensor. And as expected she kicked the crap out of him. So I guess this makes him more useful than Scarecrow at least
Jack: Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack... I am disappointed Jack. I really am. He was given a Kukri from Tensor. He has no idea how to use the thing. He does not seem to comprehend the fact that the Kukri is made for SLASHING and not STABBING. Fortunately when we tested his aim by having him throw it, he was not too far off the target. This means he can at least THROW the thing and hope to cause real damage. As for Martial Arts... He is roughly on par with Angmar. Haymakers and attempted Roundhouse Kicks. Angmar seemed almost RELIEVED when Jack started fighting him. He can at least stab things though, right? That is one upside to this nutcase.
Crouching Tiger: I was excited to see Tiger fight. He did not disappoint. He is really REALLY REALLY Good. Still has that unfortunate habit of shouting his attacks. The Good news is, he has a few fake out attacks. You know, where he says he is going to do one thing and then does something different. I am very proud of him. His skill with the tonfas Tensor gave him is likewise considerable. I do not want to be on his bad side. He shall be a valuable asset to our cause. (Yes I realize I am not describing his skills. This is intentional. Why give insight into our best fighter's fighting style?)
Darkhorse: Darkhorse has excellent aim despite wearing sunglasses all the time. Unfortunately he seems to be more occupied with showboating than actually shooting. He spent most of the testing session twirling his revolvers in every way possible. When we got around to the sword fighting bit, he proved to be competent at it. Not much else I can say about his weapon skills. He is good. As for Hand-to-Hand, much to my disappointment, he was at least as good as Terminator in... Whatever kind of fighting style he is using. Not as efficient as Termy though. He spent most of the "fight" standing in one place while Angmar tried to punch him. After Angmar went down, again, we sent in Terminator to spar with him. Termy lost, but at least he made Darkhorse actually move around a little. Bleh. So Darkhorse is competent. Moving on.
Dr. Menglina: Tensor gave the Doctor Scalpels to use. She got a little too excited with them however... During a break, Scarecrow came running out of a back room screaming about how Menglina was trying to dissect him. Yes... I suppose I should mention that a lot of the newbies keep waking up with mysterious cuts and shit. I wonder who was causing that. As for Hand-to-Hand... Well she sucks, to be perfectly honest. She had no idea what she was doing while beating up Angmar. It was all too obvious. She may end up being more trouble than she is worth.
Gleeman: Tensor chose Pies to be the Clown's... SIGNATURE weapon. Possibly a Joke on her part, but he did a damn good job killing the test subjects with it. First by smothering one guy with the Pie, then by beating a guy to death with the thing it was in. Really, weapons testing was a waste of time for Bozo. He has everything from Exploding Rubber Chickens to Poison Pies, to throwing knives, to a... Flamethrower? I am not sure what the hell he uses to set things on fire like he does. Not to mention the CHAINSAW and the spear-flag gun. The real question here in my mind was this: Without the weapons, could he put up a fight? Well the short answer is No and the longer one is Hell no. Angmar, no doubt having picked up a few tricks from the others, was giving him trouble. ANGMAR. Gave him trouble. The only noteworthy thing about the clown's hand-to-hand is that, despite his large belly, he is rather acrobatic.
Baron Samedi: Baron Sammy was given a blowgun with poison darts, and my GOD he has good aim with it. The poison in them presumably comes from the snake. Otherwise he must... Buy them off of E-Bay or something. A tiny sting and the victim dies a slow painful death. I fucking love Poison. Sammy also knows Capoeria which looks completely AWESOME, and according to wikipedia, is very bad-ass. Considering he was fighting Angmar however, I cannot say for certain how effective it is. He may also have played around too much with Angmar. Still though, I did not expect THIS from a guy who dressed like a witch doctor. We will be putting him on the front lines with Tiger from now on.
Angmar: Take a WILD Guess how effective this man is in combat with Tensor's Razor and his Sword. He is a fairly strong man, I'll give him that. But he is perhaps the worst fighter I have ever seen, and I have seen a LOT of bad fighters. (Examples include: Sagey, Mitch, and Ryuu). He is whiny, he is incompetent, and he cannot take a punch. Well. Now he probably can. But he couldn't before this. If by some miracle he survives Tensor's challenge, I am probably going to send him after some REALLY low priority, incompetent and non-threatening Unworthy. So... Elaine maybe. We'll see.
Brown Recluse: Before we talk about how she is an able fighter, we must first discuss something I found out a short time ago. Recluse is in LOVE. In Love with a man she has never met and has only heard about in stories and seen in pictures. That man... Is Amalgamation Sage. Clearly she has poor taste in men. But I may head back up to the New Jersey area, just to get her to shut up about him. Provided she passes Tensor's challenge of course. As for her combat abilities. Well. It is fairly obvious she is very strong. Thus Tensor gave her a Sledgehammer (In Honor of the Fallen Rika. May you rest in peace in the arms of Father in Heaven). She is adept with a sledgehammer as anyone could be I think. She is very good at smashing things. As for her Hand-to-Hand abilities... Well I actually had to stop her from breaking Angmar in half. Amusing though it would have been.
And that Concludes MY tests. All that remains is the Challenge devised by Tensor. What this challenge is... I do not know. She will not tell me. Needless to say, I do not expect everyone to survive. HeheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I will post the survivors list in a couple days. So we have enough time to clean up the inevitable mess and bury the bodies. Oh I cannot WAIT. We have a whole list of new targets to play with. I may even stop by to say hello to a few of you Unworthy along the way. Gotta wonder if Tensor will continue to accompany us. We'll see I suppose. I need to see a little more suffering, a little more pain a little more chaos. I cannot wait I cannot wait I CANNOT WAIT.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Testing the Newbies: Part Two
So they can kill unarmed people tied to chairs. This skill is not all that helpful when it comes to hunting the unworthy. Some unworthy are JUST intelligent enough to know when to run away. Some (very few) also have the intellect to recognize that the man in the mask with a weapon pointed at them is a threat. Thus we have to make sure our beloved brothers and sisters can both keep up with fleeing "Runners" and hide in plain sight. Thus we have...
Test II. The Ability to Hunt
I feel that there should mandatory parkour training for all Chosen. It is VERY helpful in numerous situations. But it takes too long to teach. So we had to settle for generic tests. After that we had to figure out a way to test their ability to stalk their prey. So we picked random people in a crowd and told the newbies to stalk them. Meanwhile, WE would stalk the newbies to see how they are doing.
(Note: Upon examination of this post upon finishing it, I decided that telling you how the Recruits did on the Generic Physical tests would be both counter productive and BORING. So I am simply going to put "Pass" or "Fail" for those Categories instead of a long detailed paragraph about how Tiger and Recluse are fucking strong, Scarecrow is fucking weak and Angmar was rushed to the hospital for passing out after running less than half a mile. Boring stuff really.)
Scarecrow:
Strength Test- Failed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Rule number one about stalking your prey is obvious. Do not do anything that will attract attention. Scarecrow, as one might guess, completely ignored that rule in favor of something more... Ominous. Namely he kept the Bag on his head, and walked around hunched over with his cape covering half of his bagface. Laughing as loudly and dramatically as he could. His target noticed fairly quickly and walked into a store. Scarecrow followed and it took all of 3 Minutes for him to come running out of the store saying they threatened to call the police. Needless to say, he Failed.
Terminator:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Termy was assigned a particularly stupid looking target to stalk. That should have been easy for him, right? WRONG. The target turned out to be a Drug Dealer. I think you can see where this is going. So after Termy made a purchase, (Using OUR money I might add) he realized he was supposed to be STALKING the dealer. So he did the "obvious thing" (His words, not mine). He picked up a really big rock and bashed the guy over the head with it. Apparently, Termy thought this would cause amnesia. Regrettably, it did not. It killed the dealer. Another mess I am going to have to clean up. And by "I", I mean Angmar. Yep. So. Termy Failed.
Jack:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Failed (He Refused to take off his Costume)
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Failed. FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED. Jesus H CHRIST. The moron was supposed to STALK the target not DRAG HER SCREAMING INTO AN ALLEY AND DISEMBOWEL HER. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. Thank FATHER that the people who overheard the SCREAMING assumed someone else already called the police. And you people call ME a "Monster" and a "Moron". Jacky Boy FAILS to realize that there is MORE to Mass Murder than simply knifing your victim. There is some artistry to stalking the victims, and then killing the victims in creative ways. Any fool with a knife could do what Jack did. Ah... What has become of Serial Killers these days.
Crouching Tiger:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: This one surprised me. I thought Tiger would have been Ninja like in his movements, remaining quiet as a mouse... Instead he shouted "HUNGRY LION STALKS GAZELLE." I am beginning to suspect that this is a compulsion instead of a choice. Fortunately, aside from shouting a few more times whenever he... Walked up some stairs and shit, Tiger did very well. He kept out of sight well when there was not a crowd to mingle with, and he was good and mingling with crowds despite his size. For this... He Passes this test.
Darkhorse:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: At least he is not wearing a bag on his head. This does not change the fact that he looks like he walked off the set of The Matrix. He at least has the common sense to hide the revolvers. He DID however forget to hide his sword. He also failed to blend in with the crowd. He stayed in the open at all times, even when the target took notice that the CREEPY GUY WITH THE SWORD WAS FOLLOWING HER... Oh well. He has more subtlety than most of the Chosen these days. Most of them take the Scarecrow approach. Passing Score.
Dr. Menglina:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: I will flat out say it. I am PROUD of Dr. Menglina. She was not wearing Scientist gear, she had god knows how much make-up on, a low cut shirt exposing cleavage, dyed her HAIR a different color and was wearing dark colored clothing. Absolutely perfect. She stayed with crowds the whole way, minus one or two occasions where she starting laughing for no real reason, and stayed a medium distance from her target. She passed.
Gleeman:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: KILL IT WITH FIRE. KILL ALL CLOWNS WITH THE PURIFYING FLAMES OF HELL. Pennywise here didn't do BAD I guess. At first anyway. He acted just like a "Good" Clown is supposed to. Handing out Balloon animals, doing stupid things, water squirting flower, Pies to the face... Thus the problem. He attracts WAY too much attention. The Target spent a few minutes just WATCHING him. As he was leaving, Gleeman gave him a parting gift: One of the aforementioned Pies. Only this one... Was a Cyanide Pie. (I am NEVER accepting anything he ever gives me. EVER.) Father can get... Irritated when someone steals his playthings away from him. Thus, while Gleeman makes a perfect assassin, he makes a poor stalker. Failing Score, but this proves that he is VERY useful for distractions.
Baron Samedi:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Would you trust a man wearing a snake around his neck with necklace of shrunken heads and a large top-hat with a skull emblem on it? Yes? What if he was wearing Skull Facepaint and had teeth the color of fucking BIG BIRD. STILL YES? What if he went around shirtless except for a holey black dress jacket, while carrying a Snake Headed Cane. With a Sword in it. Yes? Congratulations. You are probably the person who thought making this man a field agent was a good idea. An A for effort though. He TRIED to stay out of sight while stalking his target. He tried SO hard in fact, that HE LOST THE TARGET. Failed.
Angmar:
Strength Test- Failed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed (See Above)
Agility Test- Failed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: He was unable to complete the test because of health related issues. Incidentally, when he gets back, I have a SPECIAL job for him that is bound to give him MORE health related issues.
Brown Recluse:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Some people are just NOT subtle (See Above). They just naturally attention. Recluse is one of those people. Generally she draws the "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" kind of attention. GREAT for a distraction or a bodyguard. Horrible for stealth. We also picked a poor target for her. One of those easily angered businessman types. It took him about ten minutes to figure out he was being followed. He then CONFRONTED Recluse. Recluse stuffed him in a trash can. We then came by and set it on fire.
This leaves us with only the... Combat testing. Hehehehehehe. You know. To make sure they can beat the average jackass who watches too many Youtube videos (Which according to these statistics I just made up, is 99.7% of you Unworthy) in a fistfight if needed. Also, they need SIGNATURE WEAPONS. Every Good non-mook has a SIGNATURE WEAPON. Tensor, this is where you come in. Because you have actually had some manner of training, you will be the one making sure they can use a SIGNATURE WEAPON. I will handle the hand-to-hand crap and good old Angmar will assist me. After this, Tensor does one final test with the Ten. If they pass her test, they shall be formally added to my Team. What fun we shall have together.
Test II. The Ability to Hunt
I feel that there should mandatory parkour training for all Chosen. It is VERY helpful in numerous situations. But it takes too long to teach. So we had to settle for generic tests. After that we had to figure out a way to test their ability to stalk their prey. So we picked random people in a crowd and told the newbies to stalk them. Meanwhile, WE would stalk the newbies to see how they are doing.
(Note: Upon examination of this post upon finishing it, I decided that telling you how the Recruits did on the Generic Physical tests would be both counter productive and BORING. So I am simply going to put "Pass" or "Fail" for those Categories instead of a long detailed paragraph about how Tiger and Recluse are fucking strong, Scarecrow is fucking weak and Angmar was rushed to the hospital for passing out after running less than half a mile. Boring stuff really.)
Scarecrow:
Strength Test- Failed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Rule number one about stalking your prey is obvious. Do not do anything that will attract attention. Scarecrow, as one might guess, completely ignored that rule in favor of something more... Ominous. Namely he kept the Bag on his head, and walked around hunched over with his cape covering half of his bagface. Laughing as loudly and dramatically as he could. His target noticed fairly quickly and walked into a store. Scarecrow followed and it took all of 3 Minutes for him to come running out of the store saying they threatened to call the police. Needless to say, he Failed.
Terminator:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: Termy was assigned a particularly stupid looking target to stalk. That should have been easy for him, right? WRONG. The target turned out to be a Drug Dealer. I think you can see where this is going. So after Termy made a purchase, (Using OUR money I might add) he realized he was supposed to be STALKING the dealer. So he did the "obvious thing" (His words, not mine). He picked up a really big rock and bashed the guy over the head with it. Apparently, Termy thought this would cause amnesia. Regrettably, it did not. It killed the dealer. Another mess I am going to have to clean up. And by "I", I mean Angmar. Yep. So. Termy Failed.
Jack:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Failed (He Refused to take off his Costume)
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Failed. FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED. Jesus H CHRIST. The moron was supposed to STALK the target not DRAG HER SCREAMING INTO AN ALLEY AND DISEMBOWEL HER. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. Thank FATHER that the people who overheard the SCREAMING assumed someone else already called the police. And you people call ME a "Monster" and a "Moron". Jacky Boy FAILS to realize that there is MORE to Mass Murder than simply knifing your victim. There is some artistry to stalking the victims, and then killing the victims in creative ways. Any fool with a knife could do what Jack did. Ah... What has become of Serial Killers these days.
Crouching Tiger:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: This one surprised me. I thought Tiger would have been Ninja like in his movements, remaining quiet as a mouse... Instead he shouted "HUNGRY LION STALKS GAZELLE." I am beginning to suspect that this is a compulsion instead of a choice. Fortunately, aside from shouting a few more times whenever he... Walked up some stairs and shit, Tiger did very well. He kept out of sight well when there was not a crowd to mingle with, and he was good and mingling with crowds despite his size. For this... He Passes this test.
Darkhorse:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: At least he is not wearing a bag on his head. This does not change the fact that he looks like he walked off the set of The Matrix. He at least has the common sense to hide the revolvers. He DID however forget to hide his sword. He also failed to blend in with the crowd. He stayed in the open at all times, even when the target took notice that the CREEPY GUY WITH THE SWORD WAS FOLLOWING HER... Oh well. He has more subtlety than most of the Chosen these days. Most of them take the Scarecrow approach. Passing Score.
Dr. Menglina:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: I will flat out say it. I am PROUD of Dr. Menglina. She was not wearing Scientist gear, she had god knows how much make-up on, a low cut shirt exposing cleavage, dyed her HAIR a different color and was wearing dark colored clothing. Absolutely perfect. She stayed with crowds the whole way, minus one or two occasions where she starting laughing for no real reason, and stayed a medium distance from her target. She passed.
Gleeman:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: KILL IT WITH FIRE. KILL ALL CLOWNS WITH THE PURIFYING FLAMES OF HELL. Pennywise here didn't do BAD I guess. At first anyway. He acted just like a "Good" Clown is supposed to. Handing out Balloon animals, doing stupid things, water squirting flower, Pies to the face... Thus the problem. He attracts WAY too much attention. The Target spent a few minutes just WATCHING him. As he was leaving, Gleeman gave him a parting gift: One of the aforementioned Pies. Only this one... Was a Cyanide Pie. (I am NEVER accepting anything he ever gives me. EVER.) Father can get... Irritated when someone steals his playthings away from him. Thus, while Gleeman makes a perfect assassin, he makes a poor stalker. Failing Score, but this proves that he is VERY useful for distractions.
Baron Samedi:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Would you trust a man wearing a snake around his neck with necklace of shrunken heads and a large top-hat with a skull emblem on it? Yes? What if he was wearing Skull Facepaint and had teeth the color of fucking BIG BIRD. STILL YES? What if he went around shirtless except for a holey black dress jacket, while carrying a Snake Headed Cane. With a Sword in it. Yes? Congratulations. You are probably the person who thought making this man a field agent was a good idea. An A for effort though. He TRIED to stay out of sight while stalking his target. He tried SO hard in fact, that HE LOST THE TARGET. Failed.
Angmar:
Strength Test- Failed
Speed Test- Failed
Endurance Test- Failed (See Above)
Agility Test- Failed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Failed
Stalking Test: He was unable to complete the test because of health related issues. Incidentally, when he gets back, I have a SPECIAL job for him that is bound to give him MORE health related issues.
Brown Recluse:
Strength Test- Passed
Speed Test- Passed
Endurance Test- Passed
Agility Test- Passed
Swimming Test- Passed
Balance Test- Passed
Stalking Test: Some people are just NOT subtle (See Above). They just naturally attention. Recluse is one of those people. Generally she draws the "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" kind of attention. GREAT for a distraction or a bodyguard. Horrible for stealth. We also picked a poor target for her. One of those easily angered businessman types. It took him about ten minutes to figure out he was being followed. He then CONFRONTED Recluse. Recluse stuffed him in a trash can. We then came by and set it on fire.
This leaves us with only the... Combat testing. Hehehehehehe. You know. To make sure they can beat the average jackass who watches too many Youtube videos (Which according to these statistics I just made up, is 99.7% of you Unworthy) in a fistfight if needed. Also, they need SIGNATURE WEAPONS. Every Good non-mook has a SIGNATURE WEAPON. Tensor, this is where you come in. Because you have actually had some manner of training, you will be the one making sure they can use a SIGNATURE WEAPON. I will handle the hand-to-hand crap and good old Angmar will assist me. After this, Tensor does one final test with the Ten. If they pass her test, they shall be formally added to my Team. What fun we shall have together.
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